Way of the Irritating Fist

I'm constantly entertained by the inane observations of IMDB user "fistoffury". Whether he's trolling threads and spouting filth about any actor named Jessica or Kristen, simply because he doesn't like "Jessicas" or "Kristens," or coming up with ridiculous crossovers like how he could take Michael Myers if he were a Ghostbuster or simply talking up Ferris Bueller whenever it's irrelevant to do so. This fool is beyond ridiculous.

I have his history bookmarked, so I can chime in on whatever moronic threads he might be posting. Here are some of my recent jabs. Enjoy!

fistoffury on Kristen Alderson:
Ordinarily I would say that Kristen Alderson is great, the problem is, though, I don't like Kristens. From my own observations I can say that Kristens are messed up.

My response:
Yet another immature, unintelligent, unfounded and completely misguided observation from "fistoffury," ladies and gentlemen. It's as if you have a "Generate Idiocy" button on your keyboard. Truly amazing.

fistoffury on General George S. Patton:
Patton was one of the best generals in the history of the USA. It was Patton who struck fear into the Nazis and stopped them cold. People need to stop putting Patton down, he was one of the best military leaders you could ask for. If he was a bit over the top, thats what war is all about. This is the U.S military we're talking about, not a daycare service. We were fighting the Nazis, a ruthless opponent. Its times like this when we must fight fire with fire. To stop an Adolf Hitler, you need a General Patton.

My response:
At first, I thought you were talking about a daycare service, but now I realize where you're going. Don't forget how Patton Oswalt stood up against Blue Collar comedy!

fistoffury on A CHRISTMAS CAROL (1984):
So who makes a better Mr. Scrooge, General Patton (George C. Scott) or Captain Picard (Patrick Stewart). Both actors played the role in different versions of A CHRISTMAS CAROL, so who was better?

My response:
That's a tough one. I think there should be a battle royale of all the Ebenezers in one ring. Last Scrooge standing towers over all. A ninth plan is in the works to resurrect the dead, so that no gravestone will be left unturned and no Ebenezer left out. Will Albert Finney be able to defeat a zombified, flesh-eating Seymour Hicks? Will Kelsey Grammer pass the preliminaries? Will Scrooge McDuck's Irishness reign supreme? Will Rich Little be billed as himself or W.C. Fields? Will the final round impress the Dickens out of me? I can't wait to find out!

fistoffury on HUMONGOUS (1982):
They should make a remake of this movie. This is who should play the various roles.

Sandy- Kristen Stewart
Eric- Robert Pattenson
Donna- Scout-Taylor Compton
Nick- Dyllan Christopher
Carla- Dakota Fanning
Bert- Jesse Eisenburg
The Killer- Paul Donald Wight, Jr

My response:
No.

Punch Drunk Dragon Strike!

And, now, the further adventures of my favorite IMDB idiot, "fistoffury"!

fistoffury on Michael Jackson's daughter, Paris:
If Paris ever has a boy child she might name him Michael.

My response:
Criswell predicts, ladies & gentlemen!


fistoffury on FIRESTARTER (1984):
So who is better, Charlie or Human Torch? I would say Human Torch, who goes by the name Johnny Storm, is better. He can create hotter fires not to mention shroud his body in flames. He can also fly. So Human Torch is cooler. FLAME ON!

My response:
Harvey Fierstein could scorch them both.


fistoffury on Jessica Koen*:
Jessica Koen is a complete loser. If people think that Jessica Simpson is a complete screw up, after all, she really hurt Nick, she then gets dumped by Tony and copes with it by getting drung and being a complete wreck, not even Jessica Simpson is as bad as this other Jessica, Jessica Koen. Jessica Koen indeed makes Jessica Simpson look like a decent person. Jessica Koen is the entire definition of mean, cruel, and destructive! She does nothing but betray people and stab people in the back and she will mess up anybody's life who she comes into contact with!

My response:
Isn't it also true that you have a general affection for anyone named "Jessica"?


fistoffury on Nick Lachey:
Its too bad that Nick isn't a Sith Lord. If he was he could do Force Lightning on Jessica, just like the Emperor did to Luke in ROTJ.

My response:
It's too bad that the population of your fantasy world is "one". Or, is that "negative one"?


fistoffury on YOU CAN'T DO THAT ON TELEVISION (1979):
Ross, the producer of the show, played by the late Les Lye, I don't remember him ever getting slimed or soaked from saying the magical words, "I don't know," or "water," but recently I stumbled upon some youtube videos that have multiple scenes of him getting repeatedly slimed and soaked. So does anybody know what that is from? I never did see him get slimed or soaked when I was watching the show.

My response:
The YOU CAN'T DO THAT ON TELEVISION wrap parties were the stuff of legend and quite notorious for that sort of thing. Not only were people getting slimed and soaked, they were also getting bonked, toasted, clobbered, oft-considered, wind-jammered, jan-hammered, spadoinked, cajoled, teetered, tossed, fadoodled, brackishly bridled, catnipped, lozenged, influxed and pepper-sprayed. The latter, of course, was certainly a "before it's time" occurrence, that managed to arrive right on schedule. The grate Kermit Schaeffer wrote a rather racy novella, which is the nearest thing next-to-impossible to find, based upon these particular extravaganzas and other backstage, off-camera tom foolery, entitled "What You Couldn't Do On Television, You Still Can't Do (...But, You Can Read About It All In This Here Book!)," printed only twice by Tamley Publications.



* I haven't the foggiest who Jessica Koen is either.

IMDB Idiot of the Moment: fistoffury

The following was originally posted on IMDB
The place: Message boards for Alia Shawkat
Look for me, "johnmorghen"!

Thread: "Not that good looking" by fistoffury

fistoffury:
Alia is not all that good looking, she is at best, grungy looking. This is best seen in movies such as Deck the Halls where she looks so plain and mediocre next to those two twin knockouts. So I dont see why people are going head over heels for her, she isnt all that great.

Long story short is that he pisses off her fans with such a comment and I eventually jump in, having also researched fistoffury's message board history, which, turns out to be quite as sad and immature as his recent comment.

johnmorghen:
Just so everyone knows, "fistoffury" is a sad case, and when he isn't posting crap like this or thought-provoking debates such as "Unicron vs. Superman" or "MacGyver Vs. Jigsaw," he enjoys berating various actors and characters. Here are two samples from his message board history:

Hayden is a girl's name!!!
"Just so you all know, Hayden is a girl's name! Therefore Hayden Christensen is a boy with a girl's name! ha ha HA! You see, there is this girl, Hayden, who stars in this television show called Heroes. Hayden is the name of the actress, whose a girl, therefore, Hayden Christensen has a girl's name. That must be very embarrassing for him."

OR, this gem:

Kermit and Fozzie are gay
"Especially in this muppet movie, its made obvious enough that Kermit and Fozzie are gay. The earlier muppet movies hint at their homosexuality but this one really hits home. Kermit, who sings the song "Rainbow Connection" is unusually neat, and who is delicate and feminine, we know from that much hes gay. Fozzie immediately hooks up with him in the first muppet movie and they stay closely hooked throughout the rest of their careers as muppets, the two are unseperable. In this movie, as well as some of the earlier movies Kermit has a hard time returning Miss Piggy's affections. In this movie, when they all split up and Fozzie goes into hybernating, when a female bear snuggles up to him he screams for Kermit. In this movie when Piggy and Kermit get married Kermit is hesitant to say "I do." The whole wedding was just an obvious cover up for Kermit's homosexuality and for his affairs with Fozzie. The real ending would show Kermit and Fozzie going off into the sunset together."

Anyone's desire to post on an IMDB message board for an actor whom they do not like, to criticize them while offending true fans, should speak volumes about their insecurities and their lack of well-spent personal time. "fistoffury" is immature to say the least and these posts concerning Alia Shawkat should be dismissed entirely.