Saturday, September 17, 2011

Bad Combinations

I grow tired of coming across abysmal studio "collections."
Whether they're double, triple or quadruple features, they really should make sense.
Here are a few that make me cringe...


Let me get this straight, you're taking a well-done slasher film and pairing it with a film from the GHOULIES franchise? Scratch that... a bastard film in the GHOULIES franchise?! Just because you own the rights to two different horror film properties doesn't make them two peas in a pod. (But, I cannot lie... I'm game for such a double bill.)


Unless they mean this is a triple feature of three out of four films that are worth a shit, I'd say this would be a QUADRUPLE feature set.


Here's one of the more ridiculous combinations I've found. Yes, they're two cross-country race films and true enough that both of the CANNONBALL RUN features were inspired by THE GUMBALL RALLY, but wouldn't it make much more sense to make this a double bill of THE CANNONBALL RUN and CANNONBALL RUN II?! I'd understand if Warner didn't have distribution rights to the original film, but that's certainly not the case. The original is currently available via HBO Video ...WHICH WARNER BROS. OWNS!


Idealistically, there is nothing wrong with this arrangement of films, but the grindhouse thing is really getting old. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love those types of films (my heart lies in exploitation / genre cinema), however, since Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez breathed new life into the term, video companies have been cashing in on it ever since. I know, I know... exploitation begets exploitation, but, what's particularly lame is when distributors don't truly understand the definition of the term, such as exampled here. There's absolutely no such thing as a "drive-in grindhouse." Not only is the term contradictory, to say the least (it's very hard to park an automobile in an actual movie theater without breaking a few laws), but it makes very little sense when one knows the difference between the two forums. Grindhouse is a term for "hardtop" theaters that specialized in the exhibition of films which would normally go unseen anywhere else, including drive-ins. That's not to say that they wouldn't showcase drive-in style fare, but it certainly wasn't what they were known for. (Think early John Waters films, pornographic pictures, questionable arthouse, European sleaze & gore fests or basically anything on 42nd Street pre-Rudolph Giuliani killing all the fun.)


Keep an eye out for the next poorly advised double bill, THE DELTA FORCE plus MISSING IN ACTION 2: THE BEGINNING. As for BRADDOCK: MISSING IN ACTION III, sorry, but you're shit out of luck since MGM doesn't own the rights to DELTA FORCE 3.

STAY TUNED!
MORE TO COME!

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Great Quotations


Today's Great Quotation:

"I'm not going into an alley with you or anybody.
And, fuck The Wall Street Journal!"

- Robert Redford as Joseph Turner in
Sydney Pollack's THREE DAYS OF THE CONDOR (1975)

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Random Musings: Blah Dogs


Remember that classic scene in Sam Peckinpah's STRAW DOGS when Dustin Hoffman and Susan George went to an American football game and were harrassed while on their way to finding their seats?
Well, good news...
They seem to have done it justice in the 2011 remake.
Yippee!

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Random Musings: The Devil's Rain


Recently, I watched THE DEVIL'S RAIN again for the first time in years. (I'm thinking the last time had to be back in the TBS Nite Flix era.) This time around, one particular aspect of the film grabbed me which, for some reason, I had never noticed before...

Okay, everyone knows the story of how Tommy Lee Wallace bought a Don Post mask of Captain Kirk, then treated it for the Shape's look in John Carpenter's HALLOWEEN. The mask was chosen due to it's expressionless / emotionless vibe, but I wonder if there could have been another reason. Honestly, I doubt that there was, but when I saw this striking visual of a bedeviled William Shatner (pale with empty eye sockets and a head tilt, no less) in THE DEVIL'S RAIN (released three years prior to HALLOWEEN), the comparison to that of Michael Myers was ghoulishly uncanny...




Also, if I didn't know better, in the poster art (see above), it looks like Ernest Borgnine is chatting on a cell phone. 911, perhaps?

Monday, August 08, 2011

Marquee Chimps - Vol. 5


Our hamburgers are deee-licious! Available at our concession stand! Try one now!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Behind Them Scenes: THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT (1972)


THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT
Hallmark/American-International, 1972
Directed by Wes Craven
Starring David Hess, Jeramie Rain and Fred Lincoln

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Monster Blurbs - Vol. 1


In the grand tradition of those great monster parodies of  the past (such as Cracked magazine's "Monster Party" and the "Monster Laffs" series of trading cards), comes this series dedicated (in love and jest) to our beloved cinematic ghouls of day gone by.
Without further ado, the first entry...


BLACULA (1972)

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

DON'T eat the Jell-O pudding!


The porn industry has always been known for cashing in on a craze whether it be film or television related, but in recent years, there seems to be a major movement in creating such parodies. While, I haven't seen any of these, I can't help but be amused by both their audacity and creativity (so to speak) and one look at their cover art usually provokes a good laugh. It's as if The Asylum had an "adults only" wing.

This particular film, NOT THE COSBY SHOW (XXX) sparks the most interest in terms of taboo, since Bill Cosby would be outraged and, as much as I respect Cosby, that strikes me as pretty damn funny.

From the looks of this trailer, kudos to the cast and production for actually trying to make a worthwhile clone, porn or not.



Finally, Bill Cosby can detest another filmmaker after almost having an "ANGEL HEART attack," back in the late '80s, thanks to the great Alan Parker.

While we're at it, why not make LEONARD, PART 69?

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Happy Mel Brooks Day!


Mel Brooks turns 85 years young(?) today. What better way to celebrate than by watching one of my favorite Mel Brooks films? Well, I don't feel like it, really, on account of my watching one last week, unaware of his upcoming birthday, so I'll just pretend that I just watched it today.

That film being SILENT MOVIE, which like another of my faves (HIGH ANXIETY) is hugely underrated. Here are a few of my favorite captured visuals (oddly enough, none of which are from my favorite scene, the "Melon balls!" sequence with James Caan)...





FINIS