Warner's Bad Math Collection...

...featuring the films of Clint Eastwood!

I'm no mathematics whiz, but this collection boasts 35 films spanning 35 years of Eastwood's career.

Films included in this set:
- WHERE EAGLES DARE (1968)
- KELLY'S HEROES (1970)
- DIRTY HARRY (1971)
- MAGNUM FORCE (1973)
- THE ENFORCER (1976)
- THE OUTLAW JOSEY WALES (1976)
- THE GAUNTLET (1977)
- EVERY WHICH WAY BUT LOOSE (1978)
- BRONCO BILLY (1980)
- ANY WHICH WAY YOU CAN (1980)
- HONKYTONK MAN (1982)
- FIREFOX (1982)
- SUDDEN IMPACT (1983)
- CITY HEAT (1984)
- TIGHTROPE (1984)
- PALE RIDER (1985)
- HEARTBREAK RIDGE (1986)
- BIRD (1988)
- THE DEAD POOL (1988)
- PINK CADILLAC (1989)
- WHITE HUNTER, BLACK HEART (1990)
- THE ROOKIE (1990)
- UNFORGIVEN (1992)
- A PERFECT WORLD (1993)
- THE BRIDGES OF MADISON COUNTY (1995)
- ABSOLUTE POWER (1997)
- MIDNIGHT IN THE GARDEN OF GOOD AND EVIL (1997)
- TRUE CRIME (1999)
- SPACE COWBOYS (2000)
- BLOOD WORK (2002)
- MYSTIC RIVER (2003)
- MILLION DOLLAR BABY (2004)
- LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA (2006)
- GRAN TORINO (2008)
Plus, an all-new documentary exclusive to this set:
- THE EASTWOOD FACTOR (2010)

In actuality, there are only 34 films here, with THE EASTWOOD FACTOR being a straight-to-DVD documentary on Eastwood's career, which they seem to consider the 35th film. Sorry, that doesn't count.

And, if you were paying attention, from WHERE EAGLES DARE to GRAN TORINO is a span of 40 years. Even if you consider the documentary, that puts us at 42 years.

I'm demanding a recount here, WB, with an expected re-issue to follow.

Suggested collection titles...
CLINT EASTWOOD: 34 FILMS, 40 YEARS
...or...
CLINT EASTWOOD: 34 FILMS, 1 MORE COBBLED-TOGETHER CAREER RETROSPECTIVE, 42 YEARS
...or...
CLINT EASTWOOD: YET ANOTHER EASTWOOD-RELATED BOX SET FROM WARNER
...or...
CLINT EASTWOOD: THE "PERFECT LAST MINUTE FATHER'S DAY GIFT" COLLECTION
...or...
CLINT EASTWOOD: A SET OF FILMS THAT YOU SHOULD ALREADY OWN INDIVIDUALLY, SINCE YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF SUCH AN EASTWOOD COMPLETIST (BUY IT NOW BEFORE ANYONE FINDS OUT THAT YOU'RE NOTHING MORE THAN AN EASTWOOD POSER!)
...or...
CLINT EASTWOOD: NATHAN'S CHANCE TO AGAIN PURCHASE ALL THE FILMS HE'S ALREADY PURCHASED + A SLEW OF BONUS FEATURES (i.e. EASTWOOD'S LESSER FILMS THAT NATHAN DIDN'T CHOOSE TO PURCHASE INTENTIONALLY THE FIRST TIME... PINK CADILLAC, ANYONE?)

While I'm thinking about it, I'm imagining that if this set was ever presented to a group of people in a "Hey, let's watch an Eastwood flick" scenario, I highly doubt anyone would pipe up with "Dude, put in MIDNIGHT IN THE GARDEN OF GOOD AND EVIL!"

Sorry, Clint.

More eBay nonsense...

It's one thing when someone doesn't know what they're selling and it's an entirely different set of circumstances when the seller knows damn well that their item is not 100% authentic. Such is the case with eBay seller "glamore451".

This seller has listed a photo reprint of a cast signed laserdisc of JAWS. The following is their brief description:
A FABULOUS REPRINT. GUARANTEED NOT TO BE A FORGERY.

My message to the seller:
"GUARANTEED NOT TO BE A FORGERY." Interesting, considering the photo is of a 1987 pressed laserdisc and Robert Shaw died in 1978. Oh, and Murray Hamilton, he died in 1986.

Such a shame to see this type of thing going on and sadly, I've seen it a lot with JAWS-related memorabilia. I'll never forget the JAWS THE REVENGE poster signed posthumously by Robert Shaw. Which is worse: the fact that he didn't appear in the fourth film in the franchise because his character died in the first film, or... the fact that he wouldn't have appeared in the film anyhow since he passed away nine years before it was made?



Yes, I reported that one.

"There's grapes in my sands box!"

Someone call the Warlocksmith!

From eBay:
1989 "WARLOCK" MOVIE STILL PHOTO JULIAN SANDS?

WOW! WHAT A FIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HERE IS A 1989 MOVIE STILL PHOTO OF "WARLOCK" WITH JULIAN SANDS (I THINK)!! IT IS IN EXCELLENT CONDITION, HOWEVER, PLEASE LOOK AT THE SCAN TO DETERMINE THE CONDITION FOR YOURSELF. PLEASE NOTE THAT EVEN THOUGH THE TITLE MAY APPEAR SIMILAR TO OTHER TITLES, IT IS A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT AUCTION ALL TOGETHER. THIS CAN BE A GREAT GIFT FOR ALL FANS AND COLLECTORS!!!



Of course, that's not Julian Sands, rather HENRY FONDA(!!!) from another film entitled WARLOCK. How can one specialize in selling movie memorabilia and NOT KNOW what Henry Fonda looks like?! Not to mention, if one were to understand Roman numerals, the year is printed on the still... which translates as 1959, not 1989.

"Ugh" to the "Duh".

Random Musings: Tiger Of The Month!

(Drumroll)
Survey says... Henry Winkler!

Ladies... ladies... control yo'selves!
(Pinch)

Oscars 2010: Best & Worst Dressed

No, I haven't sold out and joined the dark side. I feel the need to comment, in written form this time, on the best dressed vs. worst dressed crap. Honestly, who cares about these things? It's all about status and "who" are you wearing. Many moons ago, Conan O'Brien was asked this question at a red carpet event, by Joan Rivers, to which he replied, "I'm wearing Sears, Joan." Perfect.

Anyhow, my point is, as much as I say I don't care about any of it, whenever I see these lists, I nearly always disagree with something or someone. Critics love to bash on celebs, but they always seem to make the pity play when it comes to people who probably aren't used to this sort of thing. I don't mean to be a jerk, but let's be brutally honest: Does Oscar nominee Gabourey Sidibe truly belong on the "best dressed" list? I think not. I know that's harsh and I would have left her alone had it not been for her making it a point to continually flaunt herself any chance the camera focused on her. It was seriously cringe-inducing at the beginning of the show, when the best actress and actor nominees stood on stage together. Everyone kept it cool and smiled when the camera got to them, but not Sidibe. Someone needs to tell this girl that this is not an audition for America's Next Top Model. Unless she's trying to secure a spokesperson gig with the Michelin Tire Co., I'd suggest a little more... make that a lot more restraint and elegance. Real women may have curves, but this one needs a reality check. That is all.

The Year In Ticket Stubs (thus far)...

January 9th, 2010:
IT'S COMPLICATED

I enjoyed this one, but mostly because of the company I had to see it with. And, poking smot can be quite entertaining.


January 22nd:
THE LOVELY BONES

I really wanted to like this film, but ultimately there was no satisfaction, particularly with the climax. Felt like a '70s-era hybrid of WHAT DREAMS MAY COME and STIR OF ECHOES. An interesting concept at first, proving tedious along the way, and afterwards, I wondered why I cared about these characters for two hours. Good to see Michael Imperioli in a period film, though. I couldn't quite place what '70s film I could see him in, but DOG DAY AFTERNOON continually went through my mind.


January 23rd:
YOUTH IN REVOLT

Fun and highly inventive coming-of-age story. This one deserves another chance, simply because of the non-perky mood I was in that day and the carbon-copy lame duck sitting a few seats away (decked in an oversized suit, David Byrne-wannabe style) who seemed to chuckle annoyingly at nearly every screen direction. Takes the wind out of the sails a bit when I legitimately think something is funny and want to laugh aloud.


February 3rd:
EDGE OF DARKNESS

Mel Gibson makes a welcome return to form in this slow burn of an action drama, which could easily round out an unofficial Gibson trilogy with RANSOM and PAYBACK. I was excited about this film once I saw the leaked trailer months ago. With Martin Campbell directing, Gibson's return to the screen couldn't have been in better hands. The opportunist at heart makes me wish there had been a tie-in "got milk" ad campaign featuring Danny Huston.


February 7th:
CRAZY HEART

Traditionally, every Super Bowl Sunday, I take in a showing of some film, knowing the crowd will be virtually non-existent, and also because I care nothing about sports. (Someone asked me that day who I was rooting for, to which I replied, "The Who.") Anyhow, I've always admired Jeff Bridges and I enjoyed this film as much as I thought I would. Bridges gives off that Kristofferson vibe and through all of his character's hang-ups, shines as someone you truly care about. The soundtrack is no slouch either and definitely worth picking up.


February 10th:
FROM PARIS WITH LOVE

When I initially saw the trailer for this film, and later the poster and T.V. spots, I wasn't impressed at all. The title didn't win me over, either. But, for some reason, I felt like seeing it. Maybe because I was in the mood for some type of John Travolta fix or maybe it was because I also like Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, or, maybe, just maybe, it had more to do with the fact that I was willing to switch my mind off and settle in for a balls-to-the-wall action film. I'm glad I decided to see this film. I really enjoyed it, perhaps because I truly didn't have big expectations for it. In any case, the film works due to Travolta's performance. He's having so much fun on-screen that the vibe seems infectious. The blink-and-you-might-miss-it pseudo-cameo of Kelly Preston sitting in the background in one scene and, also, Travolta's PULP FICTION reference (think Europe) were nice touches.


February 12th (and 17th):
THE WOLFMAN (2010)

Anyone who knows me knows I've always been obsessed by movie monsters and it all started with the Universal monsters of yesteryear. While I'm not generally a fan of remakes, films like this make me giddy like a 5-year-old kid. Once I read an interview with Rick Baker mentioning how he signed on because it was important to him that the werewolf not be some CG-rendered creature, I was already sold. AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON is one of my all-time faves and this felt like a nod in that direction, in addition to paying tribute to the original WOLF MAN. Of course, I'm a bit biased when it comes to werewolf fare (the practical effects variety) and it doesn't take much more to persuade me once I know that Baker is in his element and two actors that I'm obsessed with (Benecio Del Toro and the growl-inducing Emily Blunt) are in tow. I will admit that I wasn't crazy with the plot changes from the original, sort of takes the focus away from THE wolf man that this film is about, but I really can't complain. The film reminded me a lot of John Badham's DRACULA, including Danny Elfman's music, which seemed to echo the underrated John Williams score. Nice also to catch Baker's cameo in addition to a brief appearance by another AMERICAN WEREWOLF alum, David Schofield. Hugo Weaving brought great scene-chewing flair to his role and he came off here reminding me very much of Sam Neill (and that's a good thing). It took a long time getting here but, to me, THE WOLFMAN was worth the wait.


March 3rd:
AVATAR

When James Cameron made the speech at the Golden Globes, something to the effect of "If you haven't seen AVATAR already, you must be the only one," I felt as if he was speaking directly to me. Okay, so I waited to see this one for a good while, simply because it didn't interest me. But, after learning more about the film (i.e. Giovanni Ribisi is in it), I felt like maybe I was missing out. The mystery was there and it seemed like anyone who told me about it, spouted nothing other than "You've just got to see it. It's amazing." I usually don't lean towards the hype, in fact, such constant accolade makes me wait even longer to see something, and also, an empty theater never hurts. On the eve of another big-scale 3-D film's release (Tim Burton's ALICE IN WONDERLAND), I figured I should finally see AVATAR in 3-D before it's too late. I'm not one to bash films, at least in review form, since I feel it's a waste of my time to speak about something I don't care for, but I really tried to like AVATAR. Honest, I did. But, I just couldn't. Maybe it's because I'm so anti-CG, but with Cameron's films, that has never been a problem since his work has always been devoted to furthering the creative form. I really like Sam Worthington and I found the human story intriguing, but I couldn't sustain my interest beyond that. I'd liken it to a fireworks display. Most people love them, because of the "ooh and ahhh" factor, but I've never been big on flash alone. The film is certainly a visual feast, which is beautiful to look at, but after a while, I just didn't care anymore. And, if I don't care about that story, then it's going to be a long, long road to closing in on that approximate 160 minute running time. No disrespect to Cameron as the film is obviously well-made, but it just wasn't my bag. I made it to the 2-hour mark, went to the restroom and never went back. Sorry, folks. I realize it's me against the world on this one, but I'm quite used to that.


END SCENE

Way of the Irritating Fist

I'm constantly entertained by the inane observations of IMDB user "fistoffury". Whether he's trolling threads and spouting filth about any actor named Jessica or Kristen, simply because he doesn't like "Jessicas" or "Kristens," or coming up with ridiculous crossovers like how he could take Michael Myers if he were a Ghostbuster or simply talking up Ferris Bueller whenever it's irrelevant to do so. This fool is beyond ridiculous.

I have his history bookmarked, so I can chime in on whatever moronic threads he might be posting. Here are some of my recent jabs. Enjoy!

fistoffury on Kristen Alderson:
Ordinarily I would say that Kristen Alderson is great, the problem is, though, I don't like Kristens. From my own observations I can say that Kristens are messed up.

My response:
Yet another immature, unintelligent, unfounded and completely misguided observation from "fistoffury," ladies and gentlemen. It's as if you have a "Generate Idiocy" button on your keyboard. Truly amazing.

fistoffury on General George S. Patton:
Patton was one of the best generals in the history of the USA. It was Patton who struck fear into the Nazis and stopped them cold. People need to stop putting Patton down, he was one of the best military leaders you could ask for. If he was a bit over the top, thats what war is all about. This is the U.S military we're talking about, not a daycare service. We were fighting the Nazis, a ruthless opponent. Its times like this when we must fight fire with fire. To stop an Adolf Hitler, you need a General Patton.

My response:
At first, I thought you were talking about a daycare service, but now I realize where you're going. Don't forget how Patton Oswalt stood up against Blue Collar comedy!

fistoffury on A CHRISTMAS CAROL (1984):
So who makes a better Mr. Scrooge, General Patton (George C. Scott) or Captain Picard (Patrick Stewart). Both actors played the role in different versions of A CHRISTMAS CAROL, so who was better?

My response:
That's a tough one. I think there should be a battle royale of all the Ebenezers in one ring. Last Scrooge standing towers over all. A ninth plan is in the works to resurrect the dead, so that no gravestone will be left unturned and no Ebenezer left out. Will Albert Finney be able to defeat a zombified, flesh-eating Seymour Hicks? Will Kelsey Grammer pass the preliminaries? Will Scrooge McDuck's Irishness reign supreme? Will Rich Little be billed as himself or W.C. Fields? Will the final round impress the Dickens out of me? I can't wait to find out!

fistoffury on HUMONGOUS (1982):
They should make a remake of this movie. This is who should play the various roles.

Sandy- Kristen Stewart
Eric- Robert Pattenson
Donna- Scout-Taylor Compton
Nick- Dyllan Christopher
Carla- Dakota Fanning
Bert- Jesse Eisenburg
The Killer- Paul Donald Wight, Jr

My response:
No.

Stop Eco Box Petition

Stop Eco Box Petition

Don't know about you, but I despise these things. Initially, it appeared that only studios like Fox and Lionsgate were utilizing these cases, but the epidemic has since spread. (My noted appreciation to giants like Universal & Paramount for not yet jumping on the band wagon.)

As a collector, I dunno, I guess I'd like to pay for a case that is, dare I say, durable?!
If you agree, then please sign my petition!

A Powder Keg Of Black Fury!

I cannot wait for Scott Sanders' BLACK DYNAMITE, an amazing love letter to black action films of the 1970s, to arrive.

Having recently viewed the trailer, I can honestly say that no one has gotten a retrospective take on that genre right... until now.



I've always liked Michael Jai White. Whether he's portraying Mike Tyson in an HBO biopic, trying desperately to salvage the unsalvagable SPAWN, hamming it up and getting the intended tone of UNIVERSAL SOLDIER: THE RETURN, showing up in bit parts like GETTING PLAYED, or doing battle with David Carradine in a deleted scene of KILL BILL, VOL. 2... the guy's got great talent and I've always felt that he hasn't been given the best opportunity to excell.

That is, until BLACK DYNAMITE came around.



The trailer is so much fun that I don't know how I'll be able to take the sheer righteousness of the actual feature-length film. The trailer is that good and, along with all the promotional materials, absolutely nails that era. BLACK DYNAMITE has the same devotion to detail to it's genre as Mel Brooks' YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN had to the Univesal monster classics of the '30s and '40s.



If you take Rudy Ray Moore's DOLEMITE and it's sequel, THE HUMAN TORNADO, coupled with Greydon Clark's BLACK SHAMPOO (Jai White's look is reminiscent of John Daniels, complete with a Thalmus Rasulala-style mustache) and a dash of FOXY BROWN smoothness... you've got a pretty good idea just how right on the vibe of BLACK DYNAMITE is. The only thing missing here is an AIP/Dimension Pictures co-production logo. (Not a realistic feat, I realize, but a boy can dream can't he?!)



I haven't even seen this film yet and I already want more.
Sequel upon sequel, please!

The Boon They Call SEVENTH MOON

I've been waiting for this one to release for quite some time.
I loved the teaser trailer, particularly that final shot of Amy Smart running from a horde of the demonic dead.



This is Eduardo Sánchez's third film. His first, THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT (which he co-directed with Daniel Myrick) caused quite a stir. Either you loved or hated that film and there seemed to be no indifference amongst audiences. Well, I loved that film and I expect that the same love/hate relationship could be said about his latest, SEVENTH MOON. For the most part, I've seen some pretty negative reviews. I don't know what these people are expecting from an extremely low budget horror film elaborating on a myth.

Sounds a bit harsh, but rarely do I see films that I don't like. If a film interests me, I'll see it and enjoy it. If one doesn't strike my fancy, I'll avoid it and stay happy. It's that simple. I don't let reviews sway me like most people do. In fact, I don't believe a review is worth reading until you've already seen the film in question. People fall for that shit constantly. "Well, Leonard Maltin didn't care for it, so I won't bother." WHAT?! Are people that ignorant? Yes. Yes, they are. The other popular thing to do is to talk shit about films, which, again, I don't really see the point. If they're not worth my attention, I won't devote time to complaining about it.

Okay, lost my train of thought...
Ah, yes...
Some folks don't dig SEVENTH MOON.
I did.

I won't go into details but I found the Chinese myth concept intriguing. As described at the beginning of the film and on the film's poster: On the full moon of the seventh lunar month, the gates of hell open and the spirits of the dead are freed to roam among the living.



The principle cast consists of Amy Smart, whom I seem to like more and more, newcomer Tim Chiou and Dennis Chan (of the Van Damme films, KICKBOXER and KNOCK OFF).

Overall, this is a creepy little film. I bitch not!

Blunt Obsessive

So, I love Emily Blunt.



Can't get enough of her.



And, I absolutely cannot wait for THE WOLFMAN to be released, finally.



And, yes...



...this entry is nothing more than a shameless excuse to post some lovely pictures.



And, I do mean "lovely".



That is all (for now).

The Naked Truth About Naughty Nina

"Those sheep shit on my pack."

"What are you worried about Debbie Klein for, anyway?
There are gonna be plenty of girls on this trip."
"Yeah, we're off to a great start."

"She means in the cinema... that film with John Wayne."
"Right! With Laurence Harvey. Everybody dies in it. Very bloody."
"Bloody awful, if you ask me!"

"YOU... made me miss.
I've never missed that board before."

"There's no food 'ere!"

"Beware the moon, lads."

"Where to now, Kessler? Duck's Breath?"

"That was a weird fuckin' place!"
"It was man. But, boy, they could play darts."

"Heathcliff didn't howl!"
"No, but he was on the moors."

"It's a cold and-a wet outta here!"

"It's a full moon. Beware the moon..."
"And, stick to the road. Oops."

"These dumbass kids.
They never appreciate anything you do for them!"

"Shall I be forced to feed you, David?"

"Life mocks me, even in death."

"Have you tried talking to a corpse? It's boring!"

"The wolf's bloodline must be severed.
The last remaining werewolf must be destroyed.
It's you, David."

"I'm a... werewolf."

"I will not be threatened by a walking meatloaf!"

"Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum... I smell the blood of an Englishman."

"I didn't mean to call you meatloaf, Jack."

"I can assure you this is not the least bit amusing."

"Yes, love?"
"A naked American man stole my balloons."
"What?"

"Queen Elizabeth is a man! Prince Charles is a faggot!
Winston Churchill was full of shit! Shakespeare's French!
Fuck! Shit! Cunt! Shit!"

"What you doin' 'ere?!
You promised never to do this kind of thing again!"
"I never promised you any such thing!"
"Not you, you twit. Her!"
"I've never met you before in my life!"
"Oh. Sorry."

"Good movie."
"Mm-hmm."

If you haven't figured it out by now, these are a few of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite films, John Landis' masterpiece...



The "Full Moon Edition" 2-disc DVD released last week and being the "AmWolf" nut that I am, I triple-dipped. Obviously, this release was designed to coordinate with Universal's remake of THE WOLFMAN (also featuring make-up effects by Rick Baker) which was supposed to release mid-October of this year, but has been pushed to February, 2010. At any rate, this edition succeeds Universal's previous "Collector's Edition" and cancels it out as it features all of the supplemental material from that disc, plus a new Rick Baker featurette and an all-new documentary...



This 100 minute retrospective exceeded my expectations, beautifully. Unlike an American-based retrospective that might only secure stateside talents like Landis, Baker, David Naughton and Griffin Dunne, this one's made by a Brit (John Davis) who has access to a great degree of the additional cast (i.e. Jenny Agutter, John Woodvine, David Schofield, et cetera), crew and, above all, the locations. (To see Davis walking down the same country roads, shot from the exact angles used for the film, really is a marvel.)

About the only two living actors missing from the documentary are Rik Mayall and Frank Oz. Nearly all other bases are covered. Amazing stuff and it's always a joy to hear Landis recount his experiences. Baker, Dunne, Schofield and Naughton are also quite entertaining.



Paul Davis (seen above with Naughton, Landis and Dunne) is a passionate fan after my own heart. Thanks, mate!

As for everyone else...
See You Next Wednesday!

To EP or Not EP...

...that was my question.

Ignorance is often the reward of trying, particularly on eBay.

Being a nice guy, I used to let eBay sellers know when they've listed something erroneously. I'm a laserdisc fiend, so I often come across people passing CED video discs off as LDs, which is an entirely different format. Of course, this is done out of their not knowing just what darn fangled thing-a-ma-jig they got fer sale. "It says disc. It's a movie disc... with lasers. Shoot! I dunno! Let's put it on eBay and make a damn near forchin!" So, I used to send them a notice educating them on what they're selling and how it should be marketed, so they can sell the damned thing and not piss off their customers. Just a kind gesture on my part, but I stopped doing it long ago, because it's an unending cycle. I guarantee there's at least one such mistaken auction running right now.

But, when I'm interested in purchasing an item and must ask a legitimate question to seal my interest, and the response I get is so off the charts, well, it makes a fella kinda nuts.

I had such a wonderful moment today. I've got a lousy copy of SPYMAKER: THE SECRET LIFE OF IAN FLEMING (an EP release) and am always on the hunt for an SP mode release. So, when I see a VHS at a reasonable rate (it is a rare film) and such information is not supplied, I must ask the quality question.

So, here's a transcript of the encounter...

ME: Do you know what speed the videotape was recorded in, SP or EP/SLP?

SELLER: it is a comercial release vhs not a copy.

ME: I realize it's a commercial release and not a copy. That was not the intent of my question. SPYMAKER was manufactured and released twice by Turner Home Entertainment. Initially, in the superior SP format and later re-issued in the inferior EP mode (lesser quality). If it were EP, the information should be listed on the back of the cover. The actual gate on the videotape itself might be red, rather than black, distinguishing the different releases. If the tape were SP and you had mentioned it in your listing, you surely would have received a higher bid due to it's rarity.

Congratulations! You sold your copy for only $1.25, which, in either mode, the film is worth far more. Good job on your auctioning skills! Schmuck.

Okay, that last bit I added. A blog exclusive!

Punch Drunk Dragon Strike!

And, now, the further adventures of my favorite IMDB idiot, "fistoffury"!

fistoffury on Michael Jackson's daughter, Paris:
If Paris ever has a boy child she might name him Michael.

My response:
Criswell predicts, ladies & gentlemen!


fistoffury on FIRESTARTER (1984):
So who is better, Charlie or Human Torch? I would say Human Torch, who goes by the name Johnny Storm, is better. He can create hotter fires not to mention shroud his body in flames. He can also fly. So Human Torch is cooler. FLAME ON!

My response:
Harvey Fierstein could scorch them both.


fistoffury on Jessica Koen*:
Jessica Koen is a complete loser. If people think that Jessica Simpson is a complete screw up, after all, she really hurt Nick, she then gets dumped by Tony and copes with it by getting drung and being a complete wreck, not even Jessica Simpson is as bad as this other Jessica, Jessica Koen. Jessica Koen indeed makes Jessica Simpson look like a decent person. Jessica Koen is the entire definition of mean, cruel, and destructive! She does nothing but betray people and stab people in the back and she will mess up anybody's life who she comes into contact with!

My response:
Isn't it also true that you have a general affection for anyone named "Jessica"?


fistoffury on Nick Lachey:
Its too bad that Nick isn't a Sith Lord. If he was he could do Force Lightning on Jessica, just like the Emperor did to Luke in ROTJ.

My response:
It's too bad that the population of your fantasy world is "one". Or, is that "negative one"?


fistoffury on YOU CAN'T DO THAT ON TELEVISION (1979):
Ross, the producer of the show, played by the late Les Lye, I don't remember him ever getting slimed or soaked from saying the magical words, "I don't know," or "water," but recently I stumbled upon some youtube videos that have multiple scenes of him getting repeatedly slimed and soaked. So does anybody know what that is from? I never did see him get slimed or soaked when I was watching the show.

My response:
The YOU CAN'T DO THAT ON TELEVISION wrap parties were the stuff of legend and quite notorious for that sort of thing. Not only were people getting slimed and soaked, they were also getting bonked, toasted, clobbered, oft-considered, wind-jammered, jan-hammered, spadoinked, cajoled, teetered, tossed, fadoodled, brackishly bridled, catnipped, lozenged, influxed and pepper-sprayed. The latter, of course, was certainly a "before it's time" occurrence, that managed to arrive right on schedule. The grate Kermit Schaeffer wrote a rather racy novella, which is the nearest thing next-to-impossible to find, based upon these particular extravaganzas and other backstage, off-camera tom foolery, entitled "What You Couldn't Do On Television, You Still Can't Do (...But, You Can Read About It All In This Here Book!)," printed only twice by Tamley Publications.



* I haven't the foggiest who Jessica Koen is either.

Anvil of Cromwell

Is Oliver Stone a fan of the SPECIES films?

I asked myself this tonight as I watched SPECIES II. Having not seen the film in years, I forgot James Cromwell being in it. In the film he plays Senator Judson Ross, whose son Patrick, an astronaut-turned-possessed alien creature, has been up to no good with the ladies. Fearing such exploits could jeopardize his political reputation, he lectures Patrick, expressing his disappointment. During which, Cromwell spouts the line, "You're a Ross. Behave like one."

Hey, wait a minute!

Flash forward to ten years later in the Oliver Stone film, "W." (not to be confused with the Twiggy flick) where Cromwell portrays George Bush, Sr. and in a moment of disappointment over Bush, Jr.'s drunken antics, he spouts the line, “What do you think you are, a Kennedy?” “You're a Bush. Act like one.”

File this one under "Things that make me go... Hmmmm...."

The Real SPRING BREAK '83!

I’ve been on a reminiscent kick, lately. But, that’s nothing new. It took the long-anticipated release of SPRING BREAK, Sean S. Cunningham's comedy classic, on DVD courtesy of Anchor Bay Entertainment, to hurdle me into re-watching a plethora of 1980s’ teenage/college sex comedies (more on that later). So, I watched quite a few, but I was saving one of the best for last. I finally sat down to watch SPRING BREAK again for the first time in nearly twenty years, and it, of course, was a total blast. I forgot how much I loved this film and picked up on so many elements I had missed before.

SPRING BREAK utilizes one of the common scenarios successful with these types of films: take four horny males and place them in a situation where beer, hormones and wacky situations are destined to flow. With that set-up, throw in some ample nudity, pranks and a great soundtrack and you almost can’t go wrong.

The great thing about this film is that it doesn’t follow that set-up to an exact “t.” Two nerdy types come down to Ft. Lauderdale for the week. They book a room in a hotel and due to a mishap, their room gets overbooked with another pair of males, polar opposite party types. Okay, so what? Well, here’s the thing I never noticed before and what also sets SPRING BREAK apart from the rest of the crowd. Never once is it mentioned that the nerdy types are “nerds.” Never once are they made fun of or put down for not having the same track record as their far more experienced roommates. All we have are four guys out for fun, despite their differences. While it might not be the most accurate approach, it stands out as something that, to my knowledge, hasn’t been addressed in any other film of this ilk. Most films in this genre rely upon such traits to build upon, plot-wise. Of course, it doesn't hurt that the chemistry among the principal leads (David Knell, Perry Lang, Paul Land and Steve Bassett) is a joy to watch, and could be the secret glue that makes this concept work.

Other great aspects to this film (as if I truly need to list them):

• NRBQ’s “Me And The Boys” compliments the film perfectly. Oh, and Bobcat Goldthwait used it in SHAKES THE CLOWN years later. A tribute, perhaps?
• Yep, that’s Jeff Garlin jumping in the pool in his film debut!
• The enchanting Corinne Alphen chanting her desire to “Do It To You” certifies as possibly the ultimate boner ballad. (I’d love to hear The Donnas cover that one!)
• Hey, Big Brother, are you watching? It’s Sheila Kennedy… topless!
• .38 Special’s “Caught Up In You”. Such a great tune and so much more fun when you sing along, replacing the “little girl” with "Milton Berle."
• Jayne Modean… YOWZA!
• And, Richard Schull always makes for a good foil.

"That's a BINGO!"

Roger Daltrey plus John Morghen plus Stan Laurel plus Donald Moffatt with a vocal dash of Werner Herzog equals: next year's Oscar shoe-in, Christoph Waltz for Quentin Tarantino's INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS.

This guy is amazing.

I could watch him chew the scenery (and not-so-terrible strudel) for several hours and never grow tired.

R.I.P. David Carradine

(December 8, 1936 - June 3, 2009)

The free spirit has flown.
You will be missed, sir.

Dick Miller, The Legend

Over the past weekend, I had the pleasure of attending the fourth annual Texas Frightmare Weekend and while there were many highlights to the three-day celebration, one of my most treasured was getting the chance to meet one of my favorite talents, the quintessential character actor Dick Miller.

Here's the wonderful tribute compilation (in two parts) by Noel Gross made especially for this event. Enjoy!





Watch them here, in "scrunch-o-vision" or witness them as they were intended in their original full widescreen versions on YouTube.
PART ONE
PART TWO

Thanks to Noel and Loyd Cryer of TFW for the opportunity to meet one of my all-time heroes!

First Tap

Spinal Tap's first appearance ever* circa 1979...



And, on the same program...
Nigel Tufnel talks Stonehenge in this five-part interview circa 2008...











Smell the glove HERE!

* (Wink!)

CineGames

Here are a few online movie tie-in games that I've enjoyed over the years...

POKE-A-SHEMP
Release your inner Moe to the Shemp Howard which awaits!

REVENGE OF THE NERDS: PANTY RAID!
Do the Skolnick, but steer clear of them granny panties!

WILLY WONKA'S CONVEYOR BELT CHALLENGE
Box them Gobstoppers, Gene Wilder style, and avoid those dropping bombs! *

Too bad the OPEN WATER 2: ADRIFT "Shark Attack" game from Lionsgate is no longer. Simple, yet tedious game which tied-in with the DVD release of the sequel to OPEN WATER. Of course, if you've seen the sequel, you know that it truly wasn't one and had nothing to do with sharks of any kind. Nice.





* Not to be confused with Tim Burton's remake, or else the game might involve dropping turds.

Resurrecting THE WRESTLER

Mickey Rourke's performance in THE WRESTLER will go down in history as the "one that got away". I know, it's only a popularity contest and I shouldn't care that much, but the disappointment of Sean Penn winning over Rourke in this year's Academy Awards runs deep.

In my not-so-humble opinion, Rourke deserved the win, all the way. No other actor had a role that complimented their career and personality so well. No other actor truly suffered for their role to the extent that Rourke did. And, for the record, none of this year's other Oscar nominees actually slashed their forehead with a razor blade for a scene. Rourke did. So there.

Random Musings: Jaws 2

So, I had a bit of a JAWS marathon today.

During JAWS 2, after the sequence where Chief Martin Brody "starts a panic on a public beach" he receives an inspiring call from Phil Fogarty, with news of developed photos from the missing divers' camera. Brody arrives immediately and sees a couple of photos and presses Fogarty for more, to which Fogarty responds that he has another batch waiting to be developed. Together they venture into the dark room and process a mysterious photo which Brody is certain to prove his argument that another great white is at fault for the recent unexplained deaths and disappearances on the island.



With one look, he's convinced that's all the proof he needs, exclaiming, "That's the one," and marches off to the town hall meeting already-in-progress to present this evidence. Of course, no one sees what he sees, even after he's described that the shark's eye is clearly visible, along with a rather murky outline of the mouth.



So, during each viewing, I always come to the same conclusion:
Fogarty had an entire batch of undeveloped photos and Brody doesn't wait for anything further. A clear case of "woulda, coulda, shoulda" and Brody might have been able to present better evidence, thereby convincing the board and keeping his job as chief of police.

Instead, he loses the argument and position, leaving Deputy Hendricks in the wings (whose first name is "Lenny" in the original, but everyone involved on the production of the sequel seems to have forgotten that and insist on referring to him as "Jeff" after the actor's actual name).

Just a thought.

Random Musings: Grey Gardens

Can't help but wonder if Jessica Lange and Drew Barrymore shared any Carlo Rambaldi stories whilst filming together.

CineCraze Double Feature Trailer Show: Bruce Li A-Go-Go!

(1976/1977)
Trailers for the Bruceploitation fests, BRUCE LEE: THE MAN, THE MYTH and EXIT THE DRAGON, ENTER THE TIGER, both starring Bruce Li (Ho Chung Tao).




The films BRUCE LEE: THE MAN, THE MYTH and EXIT THE DRAGON, ENTER THE TIGER and any relating promotional materials are public domain.