Wanted: Rosario Dawson!

Admittedly, I'm not steeped in comic book knowledge, so when I first saw the over-the-top, we're-still-doing-Matrix-type-shit style of WANTED in the trailers for the film, I did not know the origin of the concept and wasn't sure what to make of it. Having since learned about the graphic novel and having seen the film, I can't quite shake the failings of casting Angelina Jolie.

Don't get me wrong (or DO, it won't matter since I'll explain my way out of it anyhow), I enjoyed the film enough and Jolie was good in it. But lately, there has been some controversy over casting her in a role originally written as African-American. I tend to agree with that. Generally, my belief lies within the actor and their interpretation of the role. I really don't care who you are or what your role entails, as long as you are able to bring something rewarding to the performance and ultimately pull it off. The true controversy lies in the fact that Hollywood would rarely cast in the opposite route. Imagine them not casting Jolie in the Lara Croft role and going with a black actress instead. Such an idea wouldn't occur to them and therefore, the argument is valid.

The truth is, there are plenty of African-American actresses out there who could easily pull off the WANTED role.

i.e. Rosario Dawson.

Think about it. She's beautiful, sexy and can kick ass proper. So, why not? Sure, Jolie is a bigger name, which might guarantee a bigger draw, but since the film has it's own vibe and will find it's audience no matter what, I don't think casting someone else in the role would affect it's chances at succeeding. Besides, Dawson already has a loyal fanbase (and has major comic book cred) and I truly feel this as a missed opportunity. Better fit begets better film.

AND NOW, ON TO SOME ROSARIO DAWSON WALLPAPERS!
TAKE ONE!

LIFE IS GOOD!

Happy 50th, Kevin Bacon!

Ah, yes. We all know him. We all love him. It's everyone's favorite footloose, quicksilver, he-said woodsman, Kevin Bacon and today marks his 50th birthday! Hard to believe it was 30 years ago that he made his film debut in NATIONAL LAMPOON'S ANIMAL HOUSE ("Thank you, sir! May I have another?!") and that is, of course, one hell of a start-off point.

As a sidenote, I've provided some pics I came across during a recent Google binge to be filed in the "Kevin Bacon Hangs With Random Cartoonish Mascots" gallery. Enjoy!

Broadway Joe

For the most part, I am not a sports fan. But, I do appreciate the legends of the past and for some reason, am always a sucker for a good sports-related movie. Anyhow, when I heard there were plans to make a film based on "Broadway Joe" Namath's legacy in the AFL, I was excited. When I soon found out the pick to play Namath was Jake Gyllenhaal, my enthusiasm quickly began to deflate. Seriously? I really don't see him as Namath. Hell, I can't really see anyone as Namath. It would have been a much smarter move to cast an unknown. Perhaps, the film might be worthwhile, depending on the filmmakers behind it, but truthfully, I just don't want to see Gyllenhaal as Namath.

Maybe after the biopic is complete, Jake could join Lindsay Lohan for an inspired "re-imagining" of C.C. & COMPANY. Okay, that actually doesn't sound half bad. Nevermind. Yes, it does.

Hollywood's Candy Bar

I saw Peter Berg's latest film, HANCOCK, today. In it, there's a scene which involves Hollywood's turn-to candy bar, Zagnut.

Coincidentally, I recently viewed Walter Hill's 48 HRS. again, a film which contains one of the more classic Zagnut-related scenes where Eddie Murphy complains of not getting fed to which Nick Nolte responds by handing him a Zagnut from a vending machine and barking, "There's your fucking dinner!"

So, why Zagnut? I never understood that. I've never consumed a Zagnut bar in my life, and can't remember having ever seen one, although I know they do exist. Hollywood used to have a similar fascination with Tab Cola. With as much product placement these two brands have received in films and television over the past thirty years, it amazes me that there has never been a cross promotion of any kind. I realize Hershey's owns Zagnut and Coca-Cola owns Tab, yet to my knowledge, there has been no direct tie-ins with either of these products. Seems strange.

Just an observation, not a revelation.



Speaking of Eddie Murphy...
MEET DAVE? Really? I mean, REALLY?!
O' how I miss vintage Eddie.
He used to make entertaining films.

Those Two Coreys!

Okay, I admit it. I'm a fan of the two Coreys, not only the A&E reality series, but also the films that got them to this point.

Flashback to the 1980s when I became a fan of both Corey Feldman and Corey Haim, based on the fact that they appeared seperately in films that appealed to me. So, it was a no-brainer when they collided on THE LOST BOYS. As my father would say, "That's a Nathan movie!" Well, father, that's actually a Richard Donner/Joel Schumacher movie, but I understand what you mean. Next came the second and third entries in their "good quality" trilogy, LICENSE TO DRIVE and DREAM A LITTLE DREAM, respectively.

While watching the previous season of THE TWO COREYS, I had to complete my Coreys DVD collection. That's right. I broke down and bought the iffy-ones. You know, DREAM A LITTLE DREAM 2 (the one that has the plot about finding... wait for it... a pair of magic sunglasses) and the dreadful (and not just in a DREAD ZEPPELIN sort of way) NATIONAL LAMPOON'S LAST RESORT. If you're thinking, "What about BLOWN AWAY?" Are you kidding? Seriously?! Isn't it obvious that it would have already been in my collection based on the Nicole Eggert factor? She nice, ya' know.

Where was I? Oh yes, the fresh season of THE TWO COREYS. The entire reason for a second season (that rhymes) is for those two crazy kids to patch up their differences, move on and more importantly (in a most absurd way) to film the long-awaited sequel to THE LOST BOYS.

At first, I certainly had my reservations about such a sequel existing, but they were quickly put to rest upon viewing the initial trailer on YouTube which contained footage of Corey Feldman in his Edgar Frog garb (and looking like he stepped right out of a time machine) to the beat of a great new cover of "Cry Little Sister" performed by Aiden. I have to say that it all works. I want to see it.

Well, that was the original trailer to the original movie, which has since been revised post-WGA strike to include scenes involving newly-cast Corey Haim. I'm curious to see how this all will come together. THE LOST BOYS: THE TRIBE goes straight-to-video (as was always intended) and streets July 29th, the same day as another '80's straight-to-video sequel, WAR GAMES: THE DEAD CODE.
Whuh? Yeah, I know.

• UPDATE (07/30/08)

LOST BOYS: THE TRIBE stinks.
Such a failed opportunity.
Pure poo, folks.
And, yes, I should have known.

"The Nude Bomb"

As much as I did enjoy the latest film based on the GET SMART series, I quickly realized one thing: I'll forever miss Don Adams. Credit goes to Steve Carell for not completely trying to ape Adams' brilliance and lending his own style to the role, but still...

Anywayz...

The good thing when it comes to remakes is that the mass audience hasn't the slightest clue that their witnessing a remake (that's not the good part) and Hollywood must then tap into the exploitive vein by reissuing those prior influences (the good part). As is the case with Universal's big screen 1980 film, THE NUDE BOMB.

The VHS has been out of print for several years (I should know since I sold it for a nice chunk o' change on eBay a long while back) and this is the first release to DVD. Over the past few months, the film has received a few airings on HBO and I've caught fragments of it, causing me to want to see it again. It was never a great film, doomed from the start by it's lack of connection to the original series, but it is a chance to see Adams revisit his iconic character of Maxwell Smart, which, to me, is worth the price of admission alone.

Upon purchasing the DVD and viewing the film all over again, it still seems like a combination of light-hearted and somewhat half-assed entertainment, yet now with Adams' passing a few years ago, the end result is bittersweet. If handled properly (i.e. employing the talents of Mel Brooks and Buck Henry in some capacity), this film could have been greatness. Adams wins all the laughs here (not too many, really) and his fellow female agents, played by Andrea Howard, Pamela Hensley and Sylvia Kristel, are definite eye candy. Kristel receives second billing here, but is barely used (not in that way) and her role here is a direct result of her appearance in the previous Jennings Lang production, THE CONCORDE: AIRPORT '79.

My favorite moments of this film still hold up. Without question, the chase sequence taking place at Universal City Studios is the one element that grabbed me when I first saw the film as a kid. For me, Universal City Studios spells PSYCHO and JAWS and you get to see a bit of both here. My other favorite scene involves Agent 86 attempting to rescue Agent 22 (Howard) in the film's finale. 22's legs are "numb" and is helpless to run away, from the mere-moments-away explosion, on her own. 86 lifts her up into his arms, exclaiming, "Jesus!" as he cannot hold her weight. She begins to fall through his arms while he continues "trying" to help by unsuccessfully lifting her over his shoulders, faintly pushing her and eventually resigning to dragging her across the floor. Finally, she says, "Max, I think I'm getting some feeling down there!" to which 86 brilliantly responds, "There's no time for that now, 22." Dead-pan, uncomfortably awkward comedy. I loves it!

The DVD boasts a fine 1.85:1 transfer with the original mono soundtrack intact, unfortunately there are no supplemental features available. The theatrical trailer would have been nice.

Also, I've often wondered if this film served as some sort of inspiration to David Zucker, Jim Abrahams and Jerry Zucker when titling the big screen adaptation of their POLICE SQUAD! series, THE NAKED GUN. Probably not the case, but an interesting comparison.

JAWS Rip-Offs

Steven Spielberg's JAWS has always been one of my favorite films, certainly the one I've been most obsessed with and have seen more than any other. To me, it's a perfect film. And, there's always been this unwritten rule that if I'm flipping through the channels and come across a showing that's about to begin or already in progress, I simply must cave-in and watch it. The same rule applies to THE BLUES BROTHERS and Spielberg's other epic, CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND.

That being said, it's always proved to be a successful blueprint for exploitative producers to steal a little thunder here and there. Of course, the best era for the JAWS rip-offs were during the JAWS craze which spans roughly from when the original JAWS premiered in 1975 to the release of one of the last directly-inspired films from the over-bled trend, Lamberto Bava's DEVILFISH in '84.

So, being a JAWS fan, I've always loved all FOUR films (Yeah, I said it!) and most of the rip-offs from that period.

If you love them too, then it's time to test your noggin' on my masterful (not really) quiz!

TAKE THE BLOODY QUIZ, ALREADY!

Enjoy and best of luck!

Are you down with QT DVD?

So, let me get this straight. QuikTrip is not only a great place to get gas, beer, air fresheners, energy gum and slushies, but also, the ultimate video store?! WOW! Why go anywhere else for those awesome completely over-saturated DVD releases designed for mass market appeal, when I can get them at the QT! Not only that, but look at how thrilled my girlfriend will be when I come home with a QT DVD! I'll make sure to call to give her a "heads up" to get that microwave popcorn started! "But, honey, we're all out of microwave popcorn!" "Whuh? Why I bet the QT has some! And, they do! They're simply the best! Better than all the rest! Better than anyone! Anyone I've ever met! Ah, they're the best!" Insert me dancing like a wacky doorknob here.

Yet another way for gas stations to make a little more coin, since $4 per gallon of unleaded just ain't cuttin' it. Those poor saps!

In Memory of Sydney Pollack...

I've created a brief quiz on Flixster to commemorate this brilliant filmmaker.

TAKE THE QUIZ!

Good luck!

1989: Year of the Sequel

Few years have contained as incredible an amount of sequelitis as the final year of the 1980's. Quite fitting, as this was the decade in which the commercialization of the Hollywood blockbuster had truly flourished. Without further ado, here's the gigantic list of 1989's franchised follow-ups...

• AMERICAN NINJA 3: BLOOD HUNT
• BACK TO THE FUTURE, PART II
• BARBARIAN QUEEN II: THE EMPRESS STRIKES BACK
• BEYOND THE DOOR III
• C.H.U.D. II: BUD THE C.H.U.D.
• COBRA MISSION 2
• DANGER ZONE II: REAPER'S REVENGE
• EDDIE AND THE CRUISERS II: EDDIE LIVES
• FLESH GORDON AND THE COSMIC CHEERLEADERS
• FLETCH LIVES
• THE FLY II
• FRIDAY THE 13TH, PART VIII: JASON TAKES MANHATTAN
• GHOSTBUSTERS II
• GNAW: FOOD OF THE GODS II
• THE GODS MUST BE CRAZY II
• GODZILLA VS. BIOLLANTE
• HALLOWEEN 5: THE REVENGE OF MICHAEL MYERS
• HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD II
• THE HORROR SHOW (HOUSE III)
• HOWLING V: THE REBIRTH
• INDIANA JONES AND THE LAST CRUSADE
• THE KARATE KID, PART III
• LETHAL WEAPON 2
• LICENCE TO KILL (BOND 16)
• NATIONAL LAMPOON'S CHRISTMAS VACATION
• A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET: THE DREAM CHILD
• OUTLAW OF GOR
• POLICE ACADEMY 6: CITY UNDER SIEGE
• THE RETURN OF SWAMP THING
• THE RETURN OF THE MUSKETEERS
• SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT III: BETTER WATCH OUT!
• SILK 2
• SLEEPAWAY CAMP III: TEENAGE WASTELAND
• SPEED ZONE! (CANNONBALL RUN III)
• STAR TREK V: THE FINAL FRONTIER
• STEPFATHER II
• STRIPPED TO KILL II: LIVE GIRLS
• THE TOXIC AVENGER, PART II
• THE TOXIC AVENGER, PART III: THE LAST TEMPTATION OF TOXIE
• WIZARDS OF THE LOST KINGDOM II

'89 also saw the launch of franchises that would inspire their own continuations over the following years, such as: Tim Burton's BATMAN, BEST OF THE BEST, BILL & TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE, DEEPSTAR SIX, Disney's HONEY, I SHRUNK THE KIDS, K-9, KILLER CROCODILE, LOOK WHO'S TALKING, MAJOR LEAGUE, MOONTRAP, RED SCORPION, SAVAGE BEACH, WARLOCK and WEEKEND AT BERNIE'S.

From 1987 to 1989, the amount of sequels seemed to increase little by little. Naturally, I've gone to great lengths (not really) to include lists for years '87 & '88, as well...

1988

• ANGEL III: THE FINAL CHAPTER
• ARTHUR 2: ON THE ROCKS
• BILOXI BLUES
• BLACK COBRA 2
• BRADDOCK: MISSING IN ACTION III
• CADDYSHACK II
• COCOON: THE RETURN
• CRITTERS 2: THE MAIN COURSE
• 'CROCODILE' DUNDEE II
• CURSE II: THE BITE
• THE DEAD POOL
• DEATH NURSE 2
• DEATHSTALKER AND THE WARRIORS FROM HELL
• THE DECLINE OF WESTERN CIVILIZATION, PART II: THE METAL YEARS
• EMMANUELLE 6
• ERNEST SAVES CHRISTMAS
• FRIDAY THE 13TH, PART VII: THE NEW BLOOD
• FRIGHT NIGHT, PART 2
• 'GATOR BAIT II: CAJUN JUSTICE
• HALLOWEEN 4: THE RETURN OF MICHAEL MYERS
• HELLBOUND: HELLRAISER II
• HOWLING IV: THE ORIGINAL NIGHTMARE
• IRON EAGLE II
• L.A. CRACKDOWN II
• A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 4: THE DREAM MASTER
• NO RETREAT, NO SURRENDER II: RAGING THUNDER
• PHANTASM II
• POLICE ACADEMY 5: ASSIGNMENT MIAMI BEACH
• POLTERGEIST III
• RAMBO III
• RETURN OF THE KILLER TOMATOES!
• RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD, PART II
• RETURN TO SNOWY RIVER
• SATURDAY THE 14TH STRIKES BACK
• SHORT CIRCUIT 2
• SLEEPAWAY CAMP II: UNHAPPY CAMPERS
• THUNDER WARRIOR III
• THE UNDERSTUDY: GRAVEYARD SHIFT II

1987

• AMERICAN NINJA 2: THE CONFRONTATION
• BENJI THE HUNTED
• BEVERLY HILLS COP II
• BIG BAD MAMA II
• THE CARE BEARS: ADVENTURE IN WONDERLAND
• CREEPSHOW 2
• CRIMINALLY INSANE II
• DEATH WISH 4: THE CRACKDOWN
• DEATHSTALKER II: DUEL OF THE TITANS
• EMMANUELLE V
• EVIL DEAD II: DEAD BY DAWN
• GHOULIES II
• HELLO, MARY LOU: PROM NIGHT II
• HOUSE II: THE SECOND STORY
• HOWLING III: THE MARSUPIALS
• IT'S ALIVE III: ISLAND OF THE ALIVE
• JAWS: THE REVENGE
• THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS (BOND 15)
• A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 3: DREAM WARRIORS
• PENITENTIARY III
• POLICE ACADEMY 4: CITIZENS ON PATROL
• A RETURN TO SALEM'S LOT
• REVENGE OF THE NERDS II: NERDS IN PARADISE
• SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT, PART 2
• SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE II
• SUPERMAN IV: THE QUEST FOR PEACE
• TEEN WOLF TOO
• THEY STILL CALL ME BRUCE

You're welcome.

1979: Year of the Vampire

According to the Chinese astrological calendar, 1979 was officially the "year of the ram," but in cinemas and on televised screens worldwide, it most certainly was the "year of the vampire".

Being that it was the end of the '70s, it could be argued that this was the best period for vampires on film. However, spoofs like DRACULA SUCKS and the much more successful LOVE AT FIRST BITE pretty much killed the movement. On with the list...

• THE CURSE OF DRACULA (T.V.)
• DRACULA (John Badham)
• DRACULA BITES THE BIG APPLE
• DRACULA BLOWS HIS COOL
• DRACULA SUCKS
• FASCINATION
• THE HALLOWEEN THAT ALMOST WASN'T (T.V.)
• LOVE AT FIRST BITE
• NOCTURNA
• NOSFERATU, THE VAMPIRE (Werner Herzog)
• SALEM'S LOT (T.V.)
• THIRST
• VAMPIRE (T.V.)

According to some sources, VAMPIRE HOOKERS and DRACULA'S LAST RITES might have been included in that same year of release, however, both films have conflicting release dates accredited to them. (1978 & 1980, respectively.)

"42nd Street Forever, Vol. 3"

If you know me, then you know that I love movies. And, if you know me more than those who only know that I love movies, then you also know that I love movie trailers. And, if you know all (both) of those wonderful facts about me, then you are holding the very knowledge that very few can claim to have held. That, in itself, is a remarkable achievement. Perhaps not. I might be giving too much credit. You might know this, simply from reading my "about me" bio. If that is the case, then, you must be an acquaintance! Nice try, deep fry. I'm onto your shifty business and kuh-niving ways!

Anyway, with that said, I L-O-V-E the 42ND STREET FOREVER series of DVDs from Synapse Films. Yesterday, upon my DVD buying travels, I finally came across the latest volume entitled EXPLOITATION EXPLOSION. After reading the contents on the back of the case, I could hardly wait to get home and pop the disc in my player, thereby losing myself in an array of movie trailer madness. It's as if the good folks at Synapse have harnessed the ability to read my mind. "Hey, hasn't Nathan been longing to see some of these trailers and/or TV spots since the dawn of his existence?" "Yes, Synapse Films, I have!" It's as if Synapse is the Superman to my Lois Lane. "Can You Read My Mind?" reference. You're welcome.

In addition to reading my thoughts, Synapse also has a know-how on when to release a trailer that has not been previously released on the respective DVD of the film in question. One example from the previous volume is the inclusion of the trailer to Abel Ferrara's vigilante classic, MS. 45, a feature which is sorely lacking from the DVD released by Image Entertainment (yet another reason not to buy the disc, the other is that the film itself is NOT uncut). Synapse has done the same good deed once again here on Vol. 3, by adding the trailer to Jeanott Szwarc's BUG. Paramount released the film to DVD years ago, and we all know those mountain folk be skimpin' on the extras, especially in the theatrical trailer department.

Here is the "track listing" in the order they appear on the DVD (titles ending with an asterisk are those which I was particularly excited about, having not seen them before)...

Theatrical Trailers:

• SUDDEN DEATH
• THE ONE-ARMED EXECUTIONER *
• JAGUAR LIVES!
• ENTER THE NINJA *
• LIGHTNING SWORDS OF DEATH
• FIVE FINGERS OF DEATH
• THE STRANGER AND THE GUNFIGHTER
• BEYOND THE DOOR
• DEMONOID *
• THE NIGHT CHILD
• DEVIL TIMES FIVE
• PATRICK
• JENNIFER *
• PHASE IV *
• BUG *
• THE UNCANNY *
• THE PACK *
• ALLIGATOR
• KILLER FISH *
• SHARK'S TREASURE *
• BLOOD BEACH *
• HOT T-SHIRTS *
• CHEERLEADERS' WILD WEEKEND *
• SUMMER SCHOOL TEACHERS *
• GORP *
• KING FRAT *
• PRISON GIRLS
• 1000 CONVICTS AND A WOMAN
• CHAIN GANG WOMEN
• THE PENTHOUSE
• THE HOUSE BY THE LAKE *
• NIGHT CALL NURSES
• THE YOUNG NURSES
• CANDY STRIPE NURSES
• THE LIFE AND TIMES OF XAVIERA HOLLANDER
• THE HAPPY HOOKER GOES HOLLYWOOD *
• SURVIVE! *
• GUYANA: CULT OF THE DAMNED *
• SEVEN
• SCORCHY *
• SAVAGE STREETS *
• CONVOY *
• HIGH BALLIN' *
• FROM NOON TILL THREE *
• TELEFON *
• LIES
• TATTOO *

Vintage Television Spots:

• JAGUAR LIVES!
• HIGH BALLIN' *
• CHAMPION OF DEATH
• THE SENIORS *
• THE LAST SURVIVOR
• THE JESUS TRIP
• NAKED ANGELS
• BILLY JACK *
• GOLDEN NEEDLES

Of course, I can't wait for Volume Four! Keep 'em comin'!

Jolt Cinema

For nearly a year, I've been on a Jolt Cola kick (not every second, mind you, my heart would explode) and it's been quite the mission to find actual businesses that carry Jolt products.

And now, a short history of Jolt Cola...
Born in 1985, it was first advertised as the ultimate cola providing twice the sugar and twice the caffeine. This, of course, shocked most parental groups and the product went from being easily accessible to scarce in seemingly no time at all. (I think I only had the privilege to consume one six-pack during that decade.)

Always soldiering on, the brand has enjoyed a resurgence in recent years. Jolt was clearly a signature of the '80s, but also clearly ahead of it's time. Fast forward to the current world of energy drinks, Jolt now seems to fit right in. While you can find their energy gum in many locations, their drinks are slowly becoming more and more available. But, there is hope. Walgreen's, the major drug store chain, began carrying Jolt's special energy drinks (Super Cola, Passion Fruit, Blue Raspberry, etc.) a few months back, which could lead to a lot more "Jolt awareness". Fingers crossed!

So, what does all of this have to do with cinema? First off, I always felt that it was a missed opportunity that New Line Cinema never struck a cross-promotional deal with them in the '80s for their "Nightmare On Elm Street" films. The connection is obvious. Perfect Freddy repellent! Secondly, the fine folks at Jolt Energy have created a website, which welcomes participation from the fan community in the form of stories, photos, advertising, et cetera. So, that's where I came up with the Jolt Cinema line of advertising.

On my own time, without endorsement nor compensation from the Jolt brand, I've created a few movie tie-in ads and am offering those ads here, because I'm not sure if the Jolt folks will dig them or not.

He's a Fly Guy!

Today was my second viewing of Jon Favreau's IRON MAN. Damn good stuff. Certainly the best Marvel comics-inspired film (not a truly difficult feat when you stop to think about it) and a nice little "I told you so" memo to those who never thought Robert Downey, Jr. could pull it off.

The IRON-ic matter is that these naysayers and newcomers are "discovering" or re-discovering Downey and seeking his previous work. On one hand, I believe it's a good thing, on the other, it reminds me of the mass audience that Johnny Depp gained with his "Pirates Of The Caribbean" films. "His other films are so weird!" Whatever. Get used to it. It's called a "filmography" filled with "smart acting choices". Weird!

Of course, the success of IRON MAN has everything to do with the collaboration of some truly gifted individuals who actually "care" about making a quality film with staying power, rather than the conventional flavor-of-the-month summer blockbuster. Terrence Howard, Gwyneth Paltrow and Jeff Bridges are all excellent in their roles and the creative partnership of Favreau and Peter Billingsley strikes gold once again.



Looking forward to that inevitable sequel!
GO FAVS!

"The Legend Of The Lone Ranger"

A couple years back, I posted about my wanting to re-watch THE LEGEND OF THE LONE RANGER, the 1981 film starring Klinton Spilsbury in the title role. After purchasing a couple of VHS copies, I tried and tried to watch the film again. The pan & scan-ness of the presentation and my knowing that the film was shot and intended for Panavision 2.35, kept me from digging in completely. Fast forward to early '08 when I came across a widescreen DVD transfer from the fine folks at Flesh Wound Video.

From a collector-to-collector DVD-R basis, FWV clearly leads the pack with their beautiful, painstakingly restored presentations and attractive packaging. In the case of LONE RANGER, the disc contains a correctly framed anamorphic widescreen print with two great bonus features: the film's original theatrical trailer and an extensive photo gallery. Very nice.

After finally taking the time to give it another shot (it's been at least twenty years since my last viewing), my opinion of this film hasn't changed all that much. I enjoyed it back then and, with some minor criticisms, I still do.

By far, this is not a perfect film, but by no means is it as bad as some have criticized. For the most part, it has everything going for it. Stunning cinematography by Laszlo Kovacs, great locations, yet another memorable score by the always impressive John Barry and despite being dubbed by another actor, Klinton Spilsbury's turn as the masked avenger does work. The film also benefits greatly from a few stand-out performances, mainly Christopher Lloyd putting true evil into his Butch Cavendish characterization (an icy-ness absent from previous portrayals) and Michael Horse's interpretation of Tonto, in which Horse not only expounds the dignity and integrity of the role, but also supports Spilsbury's RANGER to the point that his performance does not falter.

THE LEGEND pertains to how John Reid became the masked man and the vengeful mission that drives his hero-like persona. After the origin and events leading up to his mission are presented (within the film's first half), the film begins to fall apart and feels quite rushed when it should not be. At the moment when Spilsbury first turns to the camera in full "LR get-up" to the familiar tune of the William Tell overture, the momentum seems lost. And, the events that transpire from that point, during Reid's quest for justice, never fully satisfy.

The inclusion of the overture unbalances the mood a bit. Sure it's identifiable to the character, but it would have been nice to get a new theme composed by Barry (not unlike the revisionistic interpretations of John Williams in SUPERMAN: THE MOVIE or Jerry Goldsmith in STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE). I get the "return to yesteryear" vibe that the film tries hard to perpetuate, but it clearly does not compliment the mounting, slow burn style the film has already established. Imagine if the central theme music of the 1960's BATMAN series had been incorporated into Danny Elfman's score for Tim Burton's BATMAN and you'll get the idea. I presume this has to do with Jack Wrather's hold on the character from the original television series to this feature film version, but cross-breeding an epic western film with the conventional trappings of a Saturday afternoon serial doesn't even out.

So, there's my main gripe. A great build-up with little pay-off. This should have been at least a two-hour film, rather than one that runs 98 minutes. The first half takes it's time and deserves a respectful, fleshed-out continuation of the storyline. Also, James Keach's dubbing of Spilsbury's vocals is glaringly obvious and while it is done well, it's still hard to get past this fact, making it difficult to embrace the character in a relatable fashion.

Drawbacks aside, overall, I found the film enjoyable and it brought back a lot of good memories. With so much potential, THE LEGEND OF THE LONE RANGER is difficult to resist and worthy of a second look.

Al Pacino in "88 Minutes"

He has 88 minutes to solve a murder. His own.

And, I have 108 minutes in a theater, all to myself, to watch him do it!

YIKES! Give me more time!

But seriously, I did see this film and it's probably my biased Pacino appreciation talking here, but I did enjoy it. Nothing original, but it's Pacino running around with a cell phone and talking (and sometimes, more than talking) to some tantalizing females in a NICK OF TIME-esque plot riddled with bullets and wet streets. Also, Pacino reunites with previous co-stars, Amy Brenneman of HEAT and William Forsythe of DICK TRACY. A double WHAM-BAM, right in line with the recent double Pacino reunion in OCEAN'S THIRTEEN with Ellen Barkin of SEA OF LOVE and Andy Garcia of THE GODFATHER, PART III. And, yes, both of them were in that HBO film, CLINTON AND NADINE! I know! It's insane!

Speaking of reunions (and who isn't), Pacino's next film is a re-teaming with his 88 MINUTES director, Jon Avnet. The film is RIGHTEOUS KILL featuring another Pacino reunion, with fellow titan Robert De Niro of THE GODFATHER, PART II and Michael Mann's HEAT. This time around, they're due to share much more screen time... AND, the Pacino reunion continues with the additional casting of his CARLITO'S WAY co-star, John Leguizamo. (Remember the SUPER MARIO BROS. reunion he had with Dennis Hopper in George A. Romero's LAND OF THE DEAD? How could you not?! Everyone's talking about it! When I say "everyone," I'm speaking specifically of "me".)

AND, speaking of CARLITO'S WAY...

88 MINUTES felt like a Brian De Palma film, which reminds me... he and Pacino need to do another film. Let's make it a trilogy, fellas!

Sincerely,

-Cuckoo for Pacino Puffs*

*A new cereal idea that I'm working on.

Fright Night Focus

Announcing my newly launched sub-blog, FRIGHT NIGHT FOCUS!
A site devoted to the resurgence of Tom Holland's classic vampire flick in the form of a Special Edition on DVD and Blu-Ray. My hope is to motivate enough of the fan base to sway the "powers that be" at Sony to make such a release a reality.

I have also created a MySpace page.
So, let us Fright Nighters become great cyber-chums! In the words of John Lennon, I hope some day you'll join us ...and the world will be as one! Too heavy? Okay.

Screen memories of Roy Scheider

Originally posted at THE JAWS BOARD on Wed. Feb 13, 2008 @ 4:12 am

My name is Nathan and this is my first post here at The Jaws Board. I learned of Roy Scheider's passing late Sunday nite and the sadness was overwhelming.

I was born in late '76, so I was far too young to experience JAWS, but I became quite aware of the film since my father owned the soundtrack album. The cover scared the hell out of me, but with that fear came a fascination. Couple that with the eventual mass marketing of JAWS 2, I was hooked before I saw either film. I'd imagine not unlike any kid my age who shared the same fascination, Roy became a highly recognizable figure in my early childhood, along with the likes of John Belushi, Bill Bixby, Lynda Carter, Chevy Chase, Richard Dreyfuss, Carrie Fisher, Harrison Ford, Goldie Hawn, Mark Hamill, Dudley Moore, Jack Nicholson, John Travolta, Frank Langella, Christopher Reeve, John Ritter and Robin Williams... just to name a few! These were my heroes.

Roy, of course, would go on to do so many great films. ALL THAT JAZZ, COHEN & TATE, 52 PICK-UP, LAST EMBRACE, SORCERER, STILL OF THE NIGHT, 2010 ...terrific performances. And, we all know an Oscar should have been awarded to him for ALL THAT JAZZ. Of course, BLUE THUNDER was such a dream film for me, too. Scheider, McDowell & Oates in the same film? Are you kidding me?! Not to mention possibly the coolest piece of machinery to grace the silver screen! Where do I sign?!

His prior JAWS screen record was equally impressive in such works as THE FRENCH CONNECTION, KLUTE, THE SEVEN-UPS and a great turn as the "heavy" in the underrated THE OUTSIDE MAN. Roy steals that one, completely. Simply put, Roy had an undeniable screen presence. His appearance in any film solidified my need to see it and such further opportunities will be sorely missed.

In an earlier post by Doug, he describes Roy as an "icon". Spot on. I cannot think of a better way to encapsule the memory of this wonderful, talented actor.

BFI: The Free Cinema Movement

Just came across this terrific interactive "education" on Britain's "Free Cinema" film movement of the mid-1950s thru early 60's. Yes, it's informative. But, the best part is that it's hosted by the great Malcolm McDowell. McDowell is the perfect host for this tour, being that he is a protege of legendary filmmaker Lindsay Anderson, one of the innovators of the movement.

On the first go through, I was able to answer most of the questions correctly, but then, I found much more amusement in deliberately answering them wrong or taking way too long to make a move, because the ritualistic reward of being berated by McDowell is priceless.

TAKE THE TOUR!

Then, do yourself a favor and check out the complete collection of films on DVD:

Region 2 release

Region 1 release

UPDATE
I've since had the opportunity to meet Mr. McDowell at this year's Texas Frightmare Weekend in Grapevine. Needless to say, he was extremely cool. I mentioned how much I enjoyed the BFI Free Cinema thing, to which he replied, "You saw that?!"

National Rambo Day is nigh!

Since Lionsgate is releasing the lastest installment of Sylvester Stallone's lucrative RAMBO franchise on January 25th, it's my belief that this day should be forever regarded as National Rambo Day. In fact, I'm going to go on record as the guy who declared it that way. You're welcome!

In less than 30 hours, I will be enjoying the first showing of RAMBO at a midnite screening, which I'm more than ecstatic about. I've been waiting a year for this. The last time I was this excited about a film (year long anticipation, mind you) was in 1995, with Michael Mann's HEAT. Mark my words, this film will be good.... damn good.





"Murdock... I'm comin' to get YOU!"

Stallone is back and I feel like an 8-year-old, all over again.
Hell yes.

I've been punished...

I'm a huge fan of the SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT film series.

Most folks either love the films or loathe them. For me, they're all guilty pleasures. Never 100% genre classics in the conventional sense (the first is the closest, while the 3rd has the benefit of a most-skilled director, Monte Hellman), but fun nonetheless.

So, I've beeen waiting feverishly (okay, not really) for December 11th to arrive, so I could check out the latest DVD release of the original by Anchor Bay. Of course, this isn't the first time SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT has appeared on DVD. Anchor Bay previously released a double feature DVD in 2003, containing the original film in it's uncut, restored form along with the notoriously bad SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT, PART 2.



While I was thrilled to have these films on DVD, it always irritated me that neither a theatrical trailer nor TV spot was included for the first film (there was a trailer included for "Part 2"). How could this be? Anyone who knows the history of SNDN also knows that the film itself wasn't the cause for the tremendous uproar from parental groups everywhere. Rather, it was the actual publicity materials (movie posters and televised commercial spots, especially) that sparked the true controversy. There had already been Christmas-themed horror films, some even involved Santa-suited psychopathic slasher fiends, but none of which received the degree of SNDN's multimedia marketing saturation. These were the ads that freaked out the mass public and ultimately won SNDN it's forbidden reputation. Overwhelmed by the astounding negative attention (including a slew of horrible reviews), the film's distributor, Tri-Star Pictures, withdrew it from circulation and eventually disowned the film entirely. Ironically, Tri-Star distributed the (north) polar-opposite, family-friendly SANTA CLAUS: THE MOVIE the following year.

Perhaps, I've been spoiled, but I've come to expect such goodies from Anchor Bay and I was truly disappointed to find that no trailers or TV spots were made available. So, when I learned of a new edition, I was hopeful that it might include SOMETHING more... anything. With the latest DVD firmly in hand, my eyes delighted to the words "theatrical trailer" advertised prominently on the back cover. That was all the incentive I needed to plop $13 at the checkout counter. Sadly, after a quick spin in my DVD player, I discovered these words held no such relevance. No trailer to be found. Even though the packaging boasts "one of the most controversial slasher films of all time... uncut, uncensored and back like never before," this is the exact same pressing as the '03 release. Such a phrase should indicate a fresh presentation of sorts. If by "like never before" Anchor Bay truly meant that this release features newer, over-blurbed packaging and that the disc is no longer a double-sided double feature, then perhaps the statement is correct.



On the subject of having no new special features, why didn't Anchor Bay consider doing an interview with Miss Linnea Quigley just for this disc? It could have been easy. They actually had such an opportunity after previously interviewing her for their NIGHT OF THE DEMONS release. "Hey, Linnea... might we ask about SILENT NIGHT now... for a possible future DVD re-release?" Guess not.

To summarize, really what we have here is a re-hash of Part 1 only, in exactly the same presentation as before. The catch being that this DVD is in print while the other is not. I want my thirteen dollars back... like never before!

NAUGHTY! NAUGHTY! NAUGHTY!

Mashed Potatoes!

Here's my latest nod. A "mash-up" (that's what the kids call 'em, these daze) of movie trailer moments that are all movie, all from trailers and are all actual moments! Would you believe?

Popcorn... SCHMOPCORN!

That's right, popcorn fiends, I hate all of you! While I'm not a big fan of it, generally, I don't have a disdain for the poppycorn, but the drowning sounds made by it's natching consumers is what irks my gurk! Why are people determined to NOT close their mouths whilst chewing on this confection? It's as if everytime I go to a picture show, I'm surrounded by bubble gum poppin' Pink Ladies and that just can't be right. Can it?!

My friend Sean (not to be confused with Martin & Lewis' film debut, MY FRIEND IRMA) and I have shared the same thought that if we were to own a movie theater, in a perfect world filled with blue skies and fluffy cotton candy clouds, that we wouldn't serve popcorn. On one hand, it would be sacrilegious to not offer the food forever linked to the film-going experience, but on the other hand, it might prove to be a refreshing change of pace. But, then, there's cheese flavored popcorn, which never gets the recognition it deserves...

Just a thought.

3D Video

I've often passed by this place. It's an Asian video rental outlet, with an odd and somewhat confusing name. What's the 3D in reference to? One of these days, I'm going to make it my mission to pester the employees at this store by demanding three-dimensional films in both the anaglyphic and field-sequential formats. "Yes, do you have METALSTORM: THE DESTRUCTION OF JARED-SYN? How about SPACEHUNTER: ADVENTURES IN THE FORBIDDEN ZONE? You know, the one with Peter Strauss! What about TREASURE OF THE FOUR CROWNS, BLONDE EMMANUELLE or KISS ME KATE? Surely, you must have those titles in stock! What kind of a 3-D rental store are you running here?! You don't even have an Earl Owensby section?! Ridiculous!"

Fleece out.

UPDATE: 04/23/08
Store no longer in biz.

CineCraze Double Feature Trailer Show

Do you love theatrical trailers? Really?! Me too!

There's a new sheriff in town!

Announcing the CINECRAZE DOUBLE FEATURE TRAILER SHOW!

That's right, kiddies! Double means more than one!

Two... count 'em... TWO trailers on the same program!

That's TWO trailers to TWO different films (unless I goof) on the same mind-numbing double bill! Can your heart stand it?! It should, since they're all completely 100% free of any cholesterol of any sort!

http://youtube.com/johnmorghen

So, check 'em out! Updating regularly and irregularly, just like this blog! Awesome!

Tinto Brass sighting at Wal-Mart!

You know, I never thought I'd see the day when Tinto Brass' troubled epic, CALIGULA, would grace the shelves of a Wal-Mart. Sure, it's the rated version, but still... it's CALIGULA ...at Wal-Mart!

I was tempted to ask the sales associate if they planned on carrying other Tinto Brass films, such as FRIVOLOUS LOLA, THE KEY and MIRANDA (starring Serena GGGGRRRRRandi). Of course, I already know the answer to that one. "Huh? Not sure on those titles, although we should be getting a shipment of ALL LADIES DO IT and a horde of Aristide Massacesi fare by next week, sir. Sam Walton was always a fan."

Midnite On A Tuesday Morning

Tuesday is DVD new release day and this particular Tuesday marks a special occasion: the return of MGM's Midnite Movies! The usual Midnite Movies ritual began at 8:05 am at Fry's Electronics (my seemingly home away from home). I decided earlier that I would pass on any of the higher priced releases, such as "From Beyond" and "The Return Of The Living Dead" Special Edition (both were $14.99) and "The Fly" Collection at $29.99(!), and shop strictly for all the MGM/Fox titles at $9.99 each.

I was in and out within fifteen minutes and got everything I had planned on. Mission accomplished!

Midnite Movies (MGM):

IMDB Idiot of the Moment: fistoffury

The following was originally posted on IMDB
The place: Message boards for Alia Shawkat
Look for me, "johnmorghen"!

Thread: "Not that good looking" by fistoffury

fistoffury:
Alia is not all that good looking, she is at best, grungy looking. This is best seen in movies such as Deck the Halls where she looks so plain and mediocre next to those two twin knockouts. So I dont see why people are going head over heels for her, she isnt all that great.

Long story short is that he pisses off her fans with such a comment and I eventually jump in, having also researched fistoffury's message board history, which, turns out to be quite as sad and immature as his recent comment.

johnmorghen:
Just so everyone knows, "fistoffury" is a sad case, and when he isn't posting crap like this or thought-provoking debates such as "Unicron vs. Superman" or "MacGyver Vs. Jigsaw," he enjoys berating various actors and characters. Here are two samples from his message board history:

Hayden is a girl's name!!!
"Just so you all know, Hayden is a girl's name! Therefore Hayden Christensen is a boy with a girl's name! ha ha HA! You see, there is this girl, Hayden, who stars in this television show called Heroes. Hayden is the name of the actress, whose a girl, therefore, Hayden Christensen has a girl's name. That must be very embarrassing for him."

OR, this gem:

Kermit and Fozzie are gay
"Especially in this muppet movie, its made obvious enough that Kermit and Fozzie are gay. The earlier muppet movies hint at their homosexuality but this one really hits home. Kermit, who sings the song "Rainbow Connection" is unusually neat, and who is delicate and feminine, we know from that much hes gay. Fozzie immediately hooks up with him in the first muppet movie and they stay closely hooked throughout the rest of their careers as muppets, the two are unseperable. In this movie, as well as some of the earlier movies Kermit has a hard time returning Miss Piggy's affections. In this movie, when they all split up and Fozzie goes into hybernating, when a female bear snuggles up to him he screams for Kermit. In this movie when Piggy and Kermit get married Kermit is hesitant to say "I do." The whole wedding was just an obvious cover up for Kermit's homosexuality and for his affairs with Fozzie. The real ending would show Kermit and Fozzie going off into the sunset together."

Anyone's desire to post on an IMDB message board for an actor whom they do not like, to criticize them while offending true fans, should speak volumes about their insecurities and their lack of well-spent personal time. "fistoffury" is immature to say the least and these posts concerning Alia Shawkat should be dismissed entirely.

"L'Ultimo Horror Philm"

Here's the opening title sequence from my final horror compilation (the sixth in a series; produced in 1996) featuring dozens of film clips. Vintage nathanville entertainment! Pleasant screams!

Film House Fever (1979-1995)

To appease myself, I've opted to compile a growing list of all the films I've seen theatrically (yes, I was bored when I came up with the idea). Since I've had a mental block (i.e. 1982), I might occasionally update with further specifics, such as: actual theaters, multiple screenings and Disney re-releases (saw a ton in the '80s, just not sure what year), et cetera. Most all titles are first-run, unless otherwise indicated.

The list is divided by year from 1979 (my first theatrical experience) to 1995 (my theorized cut off, since I actually enjoyed everything I saw theatrically up to that point).

1979

• THE MUPPET MOVIE

1980

• THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK
• POPEYE
• NINE TO FIVE *
• SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT, PART II *
• STAR WARS (Re-release)

1981

• CLASH OF THE TITANS
• THE FOX AND THE HOUND
• THE GREAT MUPPET CAPER
• THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING WOMAN *
• THE LEGEND OF THE LONE RANGER
• SUPERMAN II

1982

• ANNIE
• E.T. THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL

1983

• A CHRISTMAS STORY
• THE CURSE OF THE PINK PANTHER
• JAWS 3-D
• RETURN OF THE JEDI ***
• SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS
• STAYING ALIVE *
• THE TOY *

1984

• CITY HEAT
• GHOSTBUSTERS
• INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM
• THE MUPPETS TAKE MANHATTAN
• PINOCCHIO
• ROMANCING THE STONE
• STAR TREK III: THE SEARCH FOR SPOCK

1985

• BABY: SECRET OF THE LOST LEGEND
• BACK TO THE FUTURE
• THE COLOR PURPLE
• E.T. THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL (Re-release)
• FLETCH
• RETURN TO OZ
• ROCKY IV
• A VIEW TO A KILL

1986

• THE GOLDEN CHILD
• THE GREAT MOUSE DETECTIVE
• HOWARD THE DUCK *
• THE KARATE KID, PART II
• LABYRINTH
• LADY AND THE TRAMP (Re-release)
• LEGAL EAGLES ***
• POLICE ACADEMY 3: BACK IN TRAINING
• SHORT CIRCUIT
• STAND BY ME
• STAR TREK IV: THE VOYAGE HOME ***
• TOUGH GUYS

1987

• *batteries not included
• BLIND DATE
• BORN IN EAST L.A.
• DIRTY DANCING
• HARRY AND THE HENDERSONS
• JAWS: THE REVENGE
• LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON
• MANNEQUIN
• MOONSTRUCK
• OVERBOARD
• THE PICK-UP ARTIST
• POLICE ACADEMY 4: CITIZENS ON PATROL
• PROJECT X
• ROXANNE
• SPACEBALLS
• TEEN WOLF TOO
• THREE MEN AND A BABY

1988

• ARTHUR 2: ON THE ROCKS
• BEETLEJUICE
• BIG
• BILOXI BLUES
• CROCODILE DUNDEE II
• LICENSE TO DRIVE
• THE MILAGRO BEANFIELD WAR
• SWITCHING CHANNELS
• TEQUILA SUNRISE
• THROW MOMMA FROM THE TRAIN
• TWINS
• VICE VERSA
• WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT?
• WILLOW

1989

• BATMAN
• BLACK RAIN
• GHOSTBUSTERS II
• HER ALIBI
• HIGH SPIRITS
• LETHAL WEAPON 2
• LOOK WHO'S TALKING
• NATIONAL LAMPOON'S CHRISTMAS VACATION ***
• PARENTHOOD
• UNCLE BUCK

1990

• AIR AMERICA
• ARACHNOPHOBIA
• AWAKENINGS
• DANCES WITH WOLVES
• DICK TRACY
• EDWARD SCISSORHANDS
• GHOST
• HOME ALONE
• THE HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER ***
• LIONHEART
• OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS
• PRESUMED INNOCENT
• STANLEY & IRIS
• TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES: THE MOVIE
• THREE MEN AND A LITTLE LADY
• YOUNG GUNS II

1991

• THE ADDAMS FAMILY
• CITY SLICKERS
• DOC HOLLYWOOD
• THE FISHER KING
• FREDDY'S DEAD: THE FINAL NIGHTMARE
• HOOK
• HOT SHOTS!
• JFK
• THE LAST BOY SCOUT
• PROBLEM CHILD 2
• ROBIN HOOD: PRINCE OF THIEVES
• SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY
• STAR TREK VI: THE UNDISCOVERED COUNTRY
• TERMINATOR 2: JUDGMENT DAY
• WHAT ABOUT BOB?

1992

• ALIEN³
• BRAM STOKER'S DRACULA
• HOME ALONE 2: LOST IN NEW YORK
• HOUSESITTER
• LADYBUGS
• MO' MONEY
• MY COUSIN VINNY
• SCENT OF A WOMAN
• UNDER SIEGE
• UNFORGIVEN
• UNLAWFUL ENTRY
• WAYNE'S WORLD ***

1993

• CARLITO'S WAY
• CLIFFHANGER
• DRAGON: THE BRUCE LEE STORY
• FALLING DOWN
• THE FIRM
• GRUMPY OLD MEN
• JASON GOES TO HELL: THE FINAL FRIDAY
• LAST ACTION HERO
• LETHAL WEAPON 3
• NATIONAL LAMPOON'S LOADED WEAPON 1
• THE PROGRAM (Uncut)
• RISING SUN
• SCHINDLER'S LIST
• SOMMERSBY
• SPLITTING HEIRS
• WAYNE'S WORLD 2
• WEEKEND AT BERNIE'S II

1994

• ACE VENTURA: PET DETECTIVE
• THE CROW ***
• DUMB AND DUMBER ***
• KILLING ZOE
• MAJOR LEAGUE II
• THE MASK
• MONTY PYTHON'S THE MEANING OF LIFE **
• NATURAL BORN KILLERS
• PULP FICTION ***
• STAR TREK: GENERATIONS
• TRUE LIES

1995

• BATMAN FOREVER (OR.)
• CONGO (OR.)
• DESPERADO (TX.)
• DIE HARD WITH A VENGEANCE (OR.)
• FATHER OF THE BRIDE, PART II (TX.)
• GOLDENEYE (TX.)
• GRUMPIER OLD MEN (OR.)
• HACKERS (TX.)
• HALLOWEEN ** (OR.)
• HALLOWEEN: THE CURSE OF MICHAEL MYERS (TX.)
• HEAT (TX.)
• LORD OF ILLUSIONS (TX.)
• MORTAL KOMBAT (OR.)
• OUTBREAK *** (OR.)
• THE PROPHECY (TX.)
• PSYCHO (1960) ** (OR.)
• SPECIES (OR.)
• TANK GIRL (OR.)
• UNDER SIEGE 2: DARK TERRITORY (OR.)
• VIRTUOSITY (I actually despised this one.) (OR.)
• WATERWORLD (I initially enjoyed this one, but my belief is that I was desperate for another "Mad Max" clone, and it had been a while since my last viewing of "Exterminators In The Year 3000". ACK!) (OR.)
  
  * Midway Drive-In
  ** OSU Campus Screening
  *** Multiple Screening

Awesome Overheard Conversation du jour

To set the scene, I'm standing in the front of the checkout line at Best Buy. Directly up above me is a television monitor showing promo spots and music videos. The sight of the trailer to THE PINK PANTHER remake astounds the young couple behind me. Now, just imagine you're a miniaturized Dennis Quaid, living inside my ear, and listen (to what the flower people say)...

Guy: "Ahhh, I love that movie!"
Girl: "Yeah, it was really funny!"
Guy: "Steve Martin's soooo funny!"
Girl: "Who is that one guy? Kevin Kline?"
Guy: "I'm not sure. Hey, who played the Pink Panther?"
Girl: "Dunno."
Guy: "Oh, that's right. He was animated."
Girl: "Yeah, I don't think he's actually a character in the film."
Guy: "That's soooo STUPID! Why do they have him animated and the movie's called PINK PANTHER and he's not even in it?!"
Girl: "Dunno."
Best Buy Cashier: "Next!"
Nathan: "Thank Christ!"
Scene fades as Nathan is seen giving a non-approving nod to cashier who informs him that with today's purchase he will receive 8 free issues of blah-blah-blah...
END SCENE

Cast of Characters:
"Nathan" - - - - Himself
"Guy" - - - - Some doorknob with a pooka-shell necklace
"Girl" - - - - Some girl with a turd-like face and matching figure
"Best Buy Cashier" - - - - Himself (part-time)

Special thanks: Rick James, Antonio Carlos Jobim, Supertramp and The Rolling Stones.


The preceding post is dedicated to the memory of Peter Sellers, but not to the lack of memory and/or common sense of others.

Delta Force 3: The Killing Game

For years, I avoided this film. No Chuck Norris = No Nathan Martin! But as a true Cannon aficionado (granted, I'm not a huge fan of the post-Golan Cannon films, of which, this is one), I eventually got around to watching it. Sam Firstenberg's direction is a definite plus. Firstenberg nearly patterned the Cannon Films' action mold, so how could I truly pass this up? Any film should make an early attempt at grabbing it's audience's interest and this film does a fine job as we are treated to a topless female. From that point, no longer was this film just playing in the background. I then promptly took a front row seat.

Before Nick Cassavetes (son of Gena Rowlands and John Cassavetes) became the accomplished filmmaker we now know him as, he starred in a slew of "b" pictures. Here he heads the JOYRIDE* style cast of fellow second generation actors, Mike Norris, Eric Douglas and Matthew Penn. Unfortunately, the film suffers from a horrible score (which incorporates and butchers Alan Silvestri's terrific theme from the original). I'm no composer for certain, but I've done much better pieces on my Casio.

I'm always looking for film connections and since both Nick Cassavetes and Matthew Penn are in this, could this have been the introduction of Nick to Matthew's brother, Sean Penn, thereby resulting in SHE'S SO LOVELY? I'd like to think so, and therefore, this film deserves mention.

Not too thought-provoking and surely nothing in the classic sense, yet overall, DELTA FORCE 3 serves as a nice time killer. Naturally, this is nowhere near the fun of THE DELTA FORCE or DELTA FORCE 2: THE COLOMBIAN CONNECTION (a.k.a. DELTA FORCE 2: OPERATION STRANGLEHOLD) and Chuck Norris' absense is surely felt.

The DVD is one for the "bare bones" pile, offering one more feature than that of a "Universal Selection"... an actual menu. I'm sticking with my laserdisc.


* JOYRIDE is a Joseph Ruben film which coincidentally features second generation actors in the four lead roles: Desi Arnaz, Jr., Robert Carradine, Melanie Griffith and Anne Lockhart.

John Carpenter's "Cigarette Burns"

To me, the best thing about Mick Garris' MASTERS OF HORROR series is the return to form for some of my absolute favorite horror filmmakers.

CIGARETTE BURNS is a great example of all the right elements falling into place and giving a great showcase for a director who deserves just that. Some will say this film is a return to form for Carpenter. I disagree, simply because I am a devout Carpenter fan and have appreciated all his films. SO THERE!

Norman Reedus is always good (even in the insane SIX WAYS TO SUNDAY). The plot itself is an obvious parallel to Roman Polanski's highly underrated THE NINTH GATE. Another connection I noticed was that the main character's mission in each film is assigned by a former Dracula, Frank Langella in THE NINTH GATE and Udo Kier in this film. Aside from these similarities, the story works quite well. I have to say that while the premise may seem ridiculous in theory, I've always followed the logic of trusting filmmakers and there are some who have betrayed that trust. Brings to mind my fear/fascination of certain films and/or the legends behind them and their filmmakers. SALO being a perfect example.

Without giving anything away, there's a particular moment where a character stabs himself in not one, but both eye sockets, with a seemingly six-inch-long instrument. That's fine. But to portray the moment as if the same instrument would not penetrate and kill the brain, instead leaving the character continuing to speak, is completely absurd and, for me, hard to overlook. That's my "oh well" gripe for today.

Note: Cody Carpenter (son of John Carpenter and Adrienne Barbeau) makes his film scoring debut here and it's a nice, subtle work.

Mansion Of The Doomed

Nothing quite says love and devotion like MANSION OF THE DOOMED. No, I'm not suggesting a future Valentine's gift for that special someone (although, the DVD did come out recently and it might get you more sugar than a previously viewed Bingo brand VHS could).

For whatever reason, I really dig this bizarre film. The late, great Richard Basehart stars as Dr. Chaney, an eye surgeon determined to make medical history by restoring eyesight to the blind, with the help of some unwitting and unwilling donors. His blind daughter is his test subject. The first surgery goes alright, except that her vision cuts off shortly after, provoking Chaney to seek another donor. Needless to say, the following surgery has the same side effect, causing the determined Chaney to prey upon nearly every acquaintance he meets, subjecting his daughter to countless additional surgeries. Soon he has a collection of "the eyeless" in his laboratory. Clearly Chaney doesn't follow the wisdom of the great W.C. Fields. "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no sense making a damn fool of yourself!" So many victims, so little eyesight, what to do, what to do, tisk, tisk...

SEE Lance Henriksen get his eyeballs "lanced," and therefore he can no longer SEE!
HEAR the continual moaning of Dr. Chaney's eyeless prisoners!
SEE an escapee hit by a passing motor vehicle. They can't see, remember?!
HEAR an unauthorized cue from Pink Floyd's "Welcome To The Machine" in an early nightmare sequence!

FEEL cheated by the fact that exploitation film goddess Marilyn Joi bares no extra skin!
KNOW that actor Michael Pataki directed this film and also collaborated with producer Charles Band again on ZOLTAN... HOUND OF DRACULA!

DIG the entire affair from beginning to end!

PLEASE be KIND and REWIND!

USA Network Memories

A long time ago, from a cable box and/or satellite far, far away...
Back in the day, the USA Network had to be one of the best cable networks around. This channel provided so much in genres of horror, sci-fi and exploitation. Basically, films you may never see on television again, severely truncated or not. Honestly, what other network had the nerve to air Paul Morrisey films, such as FLESH FOR FRANKENSTEIN and BLOOD FOR DRACULA? Sure, they were edited beyond recognition at points, packed with re-composed shots of an actor's face being super-zoomed-in on during a moment of bodily torment. Imagine the shot in "Frankenstein" when Udo Kier's hand is severed or the moment when his character meets it's demise in a "dis-heartening" (Spoiler alert... Ah, too late!) form of punishment. "What's happening to Udo?! He looks constipated!"
My point is that commercial television won't pay these films such consideration, ever again. And, that's a shame, considering how such airings broadened my film tastes and influenced me to seek out the uncut versions to these classic and not-so classic films.

For what it's worth, here's a brief list of some of the films I had the pleasure to witness on vintage USA, circa 1987-1991...

As seen on COMMANDER USA's GROOVIE MOVIES:

• AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON
• THE BLOOD BEAST TERROR
• C.H.U.D.
• DEMONOID
• DEVIL'S NIGHTMARE
• DOCTOR DRACULA
• THE FINAL TERROR
• FRANKENSTEIN AND THE MONSTER FROM HELL
• LET'S SCARE JESSICA TO DEATH
• NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (Colorized)
• A POLISH VAMPIRE IN BURBANK
• THE SWARM
• TOXIC ZOMBIES

As seen on USA SATURDAY NIGHTMARES:

• AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON
• THE APPOINTMENT
• BASKET CASE
• BLOODBATH AT THE HOUSE OF DEATH
• THE BROOD
• THE CHILDREN
• DAUGHTERS OF DARKNESS
• DAY OF THE DEAD
• DEADLY EYES
• DEVIL TIMES FIVE
• DREAM SLAYER (BLOOD SONG)
• THE EXORCIST
• EXORCIST II: THE HERETIC
• GROTESQUE
• THE HAND
• HELLO, MARY LOU: PROM NIGHT II
• IT'S ALIVE
• IT LIVES AGAIN (IT'S ALIVE 2)
• LASERBLAST
• THE LONG DARK NIGHT (THE PACK)
• NEON MANIACS
• NIGHT OF THE CREEPS
• NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (Colorized)
• OF UNKNOWN ORIGIN
• THE POSSESSION OF JOEL DELANEY
• Q - THE WINGED SERPENT
• RABID
• RAIDERS OF THE LIVING DEAD
• RAZORBACK
• SHOCK WAVES
• SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT 4: INITIATION
• SLUGS
• TOURIST TRAP
• THE UNSEEN
• THE VIDEO DEAD
• ZOLTAN... HOUND OF DRACULA
• ZOMBIE NIGHTMARE

Not to mention all of the great films, horrorific or not, appearing late nite on Friday and Saturday's installments of USA UP! ALL NIGHT, hosted respectively by Rhonda Shear and Gilbert Gottfried. Good times.