Monday, September 26, 2011

Smarties: eBay Edition

About a year ago, I joined the Disney Movie Club. Typically, I'm not a Disney aficionado, but I do love some of their classics and couldn't resist the temptation to own both CONDORMAN and DUCKTALES - THE MOVIE: TREASURE OF THE LOST LAMP on DVD, which are exclusively available through their club. Anyway, it works the same as any other movie or CD club (Columbia House, in particular). Annually, each month a selection is offered and you can either deny said selection or accept it. If you do nothing, they send it to you anyhow and it's your's to pay for. Basically, they're counting on me to get lazy and forget to respond (and they're completely right in doing so!), hence my receiving product that I don't want. Honestly, sending them back is too much of a hassle, so I've eBay'd a few titles recently.

It's been just over five years since I last sold on eBay. Aside from the listing process becoming more complex than it needs to be, not much else has changed in those five years. Case in point: I dealt with idiots back then and I'm dealing with them now. It's good to be back!(?)

I didn't expect to be blogging about my auctions, but one idiot pissed me off and here I am.
Here are the details of the listing in question (plus my photo of the actual item):

Disney's THE FOX AND THE HOUND (1981)

This 3-disc combo pack includes both films on DVD and Blu-ray format. (This edition features DVD packaging.)
From Walt Disney Home Entertainment, 2011.
This item is in BRAND NEW/SEALED condition.
Shipping via Priority mail only. Winning bidder must make payment within 3 days of end of auction notice.
PayPal only, please. All sales are final.
Please ask any questions prior to bidding.
Thank you for looking!

Okay, the description is short and sweet, I'll admit, but it's definitely concise, and coupled with the added UPC-generated additional details provided by eBay which offer even further item specs, I'd say this is a pretty self-explanatory listing of what the curious bidders should come to expect. But, apparently, that's not enough for some people. Here's what one smart person had to ask me...

This is an authentic item, correct?
Thanks :)

And, here's my reply...
I shouldn't even bother honoring such query with a reply, but I have to ask what is it about my item description that confuses you to the point where you'd question it's authenticity? Have counterfeit DVD/Blu-ray combo packs for Disney's "The Fox And The Hound" / "The Fox And The Hound II" been a problem for you in the past?

Too harsh, maybe? Nah.
After all, I don't coddle stupidity.
I could have started my response with "Dearest Doorknob," but I just didn't feel that this person was worth such formal letter composure.

Seriously, what about the details given typifies that the item could be anything other than authentic? Could it be that I didn't supply those magic words of assurance, "By the way, in case you are wondering, this is authentic. Really, it is!" Perhaps my "all sales are final" policy makes them weary. Sorry, folks, but I don't wish to do the tango with you. I just want some cash for some stuff that I no longer wish to have in my possession. Here's my general rule: The buyer shouldn't have to worry about returning items on account of the fact that I don't sell crap, nor items of questionable quality. Plus, the item is new... NEW, I say! Sealed, even!

As Charles Bronson said to the goombah choking on the poisoned cannoli in DEATH WISH V: THE FACE OF DEATH, "You got a problem?"